Online dating is like a game of hide and seek. One account holder hides behind a computer screen, hoping to find The One, while another seeks the one to casually hump while perusing other profiles. Then there’s the member who is too shy to confront dating in the real world so they hide behind a persona, which is usually personified through usernames like ‘BigBoy69’ and ‘SpicyMami4U.’ All in all, these kiddie games make it difficult to differentiate who is looking for a true connection or just a good time.
So, what is a gal to do? Give up on the online dating world and return to meeting men solely at bars and lounges? Hope that one of our friends introduces us to a divorcee? No and no. What we must do is become smarter online daters. And here’s how.
If you know who to avoid online, then you avoid wasting time on members who will waste your time. First, you must know what you are seeking. Then, you ignore the following messages:
- The Vague One: This man will email you a one-liner, usually asking you a question like, “Hey! How’s your day going?” He may also send you his phone number, ask you out for coffee or invite you to chat on AIM (screen name attached). He is obviously in a hurry for something other than getting to know you, so delete, delete, delete! Besides, AIM is so 2005!
- The Tell All Book: If he emails you his life story, then he’s probably starved for attention, love…or a therapist. Sure, it’s nice for a man to be open, but did I really need to know the day your cat died or how your abuela made you arroz con habichuelas the summer you visited the Dominican Republic and almost drowned?! Too much information, buddy, and that’s why we must keep it moving, ladies!
- The Hyper Active: He will be overly enthusiastic and overly complimentary. Every sentence will end with an exclamation point or begin with a song lyric. He will promise you the world even though he doesn’t know your name. What he needs to do is take a Xanax while I mosey on over to another message. I don’t need a bunch of !!!!!!! in my Inbox!
- The Mechanical: If his email reads like a manual for The Perfect Woman, then delete, delete, delete. He obviously lacks personality and pizazz. Besides, if he isn’t comfortable being himself behind a computer screen, imagine how awkward that first phone call or first date will be. Checklists are no fun and neither is this guy.
- The Complimentary: Much like The Hyper Active, The Complimentary will bombard you with sweet compliments. He will tell you how pretty your hair glistens in your profile picture or how your straight teeth are everything he’s been looking for. He will say he is extremely impressed that you once worked as a hamburger flipper in McDonalds and are now the manager of that very McDonalds. He will also love everything you love. Your favorite song? He rocks to it every night before bed. Your favorite food? He eats it every day. What you must do? Ignore his message!
- The Persistent: This is the man who will continue sending you emails even after you have ignored him multiple times. Usually a combination of The One-Liner and The Complimentary, he will send you emails, asking you how you feel or what your favorite color is or telling you that you are the prettiest woman he has ever laid eyes on. My advice is to use that magical ‘Block’ button. Once a man becomes The Persistent, he will not give up easily!
Now that you know what messages to avoid, you know what men to ignore online. It will make it easier to find that person you seek as it is a way to remove all the clutter that is blocking your path. So, run free! If you enter into the online dating world with a positive attitude, an awareness of what to avoid and a clear vision of what you are seeking, there will be no reason to hide.