There was Kurt. The college crush who used to get me all hot and bothered at just the sight of him. It had only been two years since I’d seem him last, but now he looked acabado. But I still greeted him with a quick peck on the cheek and hug. I held the hug a little too long and felt awkward. Why did I do that?!? Perhaps I still wished the best for Kurt. I guess even total a-holes deserve marriage, babies and good health, no?
We finally detached and I began my event. I was all business but, as usual, the spotlight had to shine on Kurt and his penis. He walked over to me from the bar and I asked what any good businesswoman would: “Did you pay the admission cost?” Kurt smiled his I-don’t-give-a-damn smile. I lay out my hand and demanded he pay the seven-dollar entry like everyone else. He looked at me, with his honey colored, devious eyes, and responded, “Why don’t you find the seven dollars deep in my pocket?” I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue. I wanted to send him to hell! I wanted to yank his penis off and eliminate him of any baby making abilities! But I didn’t. Well, at least not there. Instead, I went home, clicked open my laptop and composed an email. I selected Kurt’s name from my contact list and pasted a news link from BBC News. It was an article discussing male contraception. Scientists were seeking couples to test out this new initiative, and I figured Kurt could volunteer. The fully reversible injection allows sperm count to fall rapidly, and I couldn’t think of any other man who needed to stop sperm production immediately. I pressed ‘Send’ with a smile because some men just shouldn’t procreate!