Whenever I’m on a date with a man they ask me, “Why are you single?” It’s a good question as I am one fabulous mujer. But I can’t help but feel like I’m being poked and probed by a scientist when those four little words fly out their mouths. Those words imply that there is something wrong with being single. The shock in their voice and their cautious looks lead me to believe that they believe I’m one crazy bitch. Why else can’t she keep a man? They think. Is she a stalker? Is she psychotically jealous? What is she hiding underneath that gorgeous smile and witty mind?
However, today I will play along with the bitch-must-be-insane assumption. Here is a list of reasons why I, as well as other women, are single via the Twitter trending topic of #ThatsWhyUrSingle. Take it with a lick of salt and a shot of humor!
- Men aren’t at my level. I want a man with a job and an edumacation! #ThatsWhyUrSingle
- You say edumacation. #ThatsWhyUrSingle
- Said on the first date: “My biological clock is ticking…do you hear it? Do you hear it calling your name?!” #ThatsWhyUrSingle
- No babywipes for your pepa?! It’s over! #ThatsWhyUrSingle according to Will.I.Am and Terrance Howard
- Your top pick for kid names are DayDay, TyTy, Henessy and Alize. #ThatsWhyUrSingle
- You begin your dates with an astrological reading to make sure your planets align. Ok…guilty! Lol. #ThatsWhyUrSingle
- You have a blog that shares your love woes. Therefor Google becomes your enemy! Waaah! #ThatsWhyUrSingle
- You don’t want to settle for mediocrity. You know you deserve the best. #ThatsWhyUrSingle and it’s okay!
There you have it! My excuses for why women may be single. Next time a man asks that awful, pressure-cooker questions, look him in the eye and give him one of these reasons. He’ll either laugh, which means he has a sense of humor, or run like a man who’s been caught cheating. Either way you get to feel him out and have some fun. If he stays, tell him that what occurred in the past really doesn’t matter. Besides, you won’t be single for long.