It was our first double date. Things got a bit awkward when my niece’s boyfriend tried to compete with Stephen as our food arrived. “I can eat more,” he said all slick with an evil grin on his face. He rubbed his hands like Birdman, the rapper, and dug in. I felt like I had just stepped into the ring with Mayweather and McGregor. Even worse: Slick kept checking me out.
Stephen felt so uncomfortable he swore we’d never go on a double date again. Until his friend Derek suggested we all go out to dinner.
That night, Stephen was mum on our plans. It was a surprise, he said, and he knows how much I hate surprises and meeting new people (introvert to the max!). I did badger him enough to get some detail. We were going on a double date with his friend, Derek, and Derek’s girlfriend. Not only did I have to socialize, but I was also frustrated to have to share Stephen. After two long weeks of zero quality time, I wanted some alone time with my man. Was that too much to ask? And now I had to do my damn hair so I didn’t look like a loca vieja while out with a new couple? Damn.
Fast forward to date night. Stephen and Derek agreed to the Olive Garden, which I love. And I was starving. Suddenly, Derek’s girl suggested we try a new restaurant as The Olive Garden was too far from our location. Without saying a word, the guys decided on a place called Parm.
We walked over to Parm and it was lovely. I was almost in a good mood again. Until we sat down and received our menus. THEY took one look at it and said, “we’re picky.” Derek and his girl walked out of Pram without another word.
My jaw dropped. Stephen and I sat at the table in awe. Who does that? I thought. Derek and his girl, that’s who.
“We should follow them,” Stephen said. I picked up my things, fuming, and I apologized to the staff before leaving with Stephen. I made sure to walk ahead of Derek and his girlfriend, to give Stephen a piece of my mind. I was so embarrassed.
“Please don’t ask me to go anywhere with them again!” I told Stephen. He agreed this was the last time. “Who the hell does this, like seriously?” I went on, “walking out like that is super rude!”
“Who cares what people think?!” Stephen responded. He is so nonchalant, always avoiding conflict. Total opposite of me, which is why we balance each other out. In that moment, he comforted me with a hug and tried taking my mind off of the horrible situation. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes once or twice, but Stephen understood why I was so angry. I hate surprises. I hate plans that change last minute. Both things happened that very night.
We caught up with THEM and still had no idea where we were going for dinner. Stephen suggested another restaurant nearby. We were on our way. Until Derek’s girl saw Chipotle across the street and acted like the Heavens parted.
“We should go there!” she said enthused. It’s fucking Chipotle! I almost killed her with my death stare. Almost. And that’s where we ended up. Fucking Chipotle.
As I sat there gulping down a chicken bowl with extra guac (I was starving, I tell you!) all I could think of was getting the hell away from THEM. I just wanted to spend some time with my boo – alone – and eat some Fried Calamari and Shrimp Alfredo. If I wanted Chipotle, I would’ve walked a few blocks from my apartment to East Fordham Rd. Worst double date EVER. And I still really want some Olive Garden.