“You’re havin’ a good time witcha boys. She call you while you out. You pick up the phone. She hears Fun in the background. That’s why they get a attitude ‘cause she hear Fun.” – Kevin Hart
Pft, yeah right! That ain’t me, I thought to myself as I laughed hysterically the first time I watched “Seriously Funny.”
I was single then. I had no idea what it would be like to fall in love and, almost four years later, realize that somewhere along the way, I lost a part of myself in the man I love.
I just love being with him. He still makes me laugh more than anyone can, and I still get butterflies when I know I’m about to see him.
We live together now, so the butterflies pretty much reside in my tummy. Yet lately I’ve asked myself why this isn’t enough for me and why I’ve been picking fights whenever he chooses to spend his free time with the boys. He still takes me out to dinner and a movie; we go out for long drives up the coast because he knows how much I love the sunset; and occasionally we channel our inner nerd and visit a local museum or bookstore. He caters to me, runs errands for me when I need him to, and he’s the most punctual man I’ve ever met. He does his part. It took me a while, but I get it now.
I had gotten so caught up in how lonely I felt being away from home every weekend due to work-related travel that I longed for his touch and his undivided attention whenever I was home. I expected for him to spend all of his free time with me because I had the time, when deep down I knew he also deserved a little time with the boys. He encouraged me to go out and have some girl time, yet I always chose to stay home and wallow in more loneliness. Until, suddenly, I flashbacked to single Giselle watching “Seriously Funny” for the first time, rolling her eyes at Kevin Hart as he jokingly stated that women don’t want their men to have a good time without them. All I could think of was Kevin’s voice saying “Oh my God, nooooooo!” as it dawned on me that it was me and not him. I’d lost sight of all the things that made me happy before my man came into my life.
What happened to girl time? What happened to religiously getting my nails done every two weeks and thinking “I deserve this” every time I took a trip to the Nordstrom shoe department? I used to dance. I used to play the piano. I used to write daily. Somewhere along the way I forgot about Giselle. I got so wrapped up in work, in my routine and in wanting to literally spend it all with him that I began to despise whatever time he chose to spend away from me.
I’ve come to realize that men just know how to balance everything much better than women do when in a relationship. My man can love me deeply, spend quality time with me and still make time for the boys and the things that make him happy. He doesn’t have to spend every second of his free time with me to show he loves me as much as I love him, and neither do I. I’m happiest when I’m with him, and that won’t change, but there’s more to me than just him.