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La Costumbre! How We Get Used to Bad Habits in Love

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La Costumbre! How We Get Used to Bad Habits in Love

We decide to stay in relationships because it’s much easier to be comfortable.

“I’m surprised you can sleep next to me, I toss and turn so much,” Boo said.

“I couldn’t in the beginning, but I got used to it,” I replied.

That’s what happens in relationships: we get accustomed to our significant others’ habits. As La India once sang, “La costumbre es mas fuerte que el amor,” and I now understand why women stay in relationships because they’re….comfortable.

PLUS: I Was a Hot Mess Yet He Still Chose Me

I didn’t always. I once judged women who’d constantly complained about their relationships: his lack of affection, how unhelpful he is around the house, how he hardly calls or texts when out all night. I thought, so change it. Instead of complaining, do something about it. Now I know it’s easier said than done.

Don’t get me wrong: Boo and I are in an amazing place. I am so blessed to be in a relationship that is so healthy and loving and just…right. It’s easy. Easier than I imagined it would be and as easy as I’d hope it would be. But, he tosses and turns at night and it’s tough to sleep beside him. Or it used to be.

The trick is to take the good with the bad. No man is perfect. Your guy might just bite his nails or shake his leg nervously or chew with his mouth open like a horse (is a horse, of course, of course). But, these are small annoyances that should be accepted. You should get used to your guy’s habits, even if they drive you up the wall or force you to sleep on the sofa from time to time.

I’ve accepted that Boo is a bad sleeper because everything else is good. Unlike those women I judged, those who stay with men who disrespect them and ultimately don’t love them in a healthy manner, Boo’s tossing and turning is the worst of it.

MORE: 6 Cornerstones for a Successful Relationship

So, yes, la costumbre is real. We decide to stay in relationships because it’s so much easier to be so damn comfortable than to walk away and start anew. Do you know what’s even better? When it’s easy because you’re with the right man.

I am. That’s why Boo can toss and turn in his sleep, lie his weight on my back unknowingly and kick me in the leg all night long, and I will remain right by his side.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.


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