They say letting go is easier said than done. And that’s because it is. Anyone can preach about warning signs and giant red flags. How we must walk away if a man stops calling or withdraws emotionally or even cheats. How releasing an unhealthy relationship will strengthen our self-esteem and our self-worth. But rarely do we learn tools for letting go; actual steps to take to truly move on. Until today.
Gratitude: One way to let go is to be grateful for it all. Instead of dwelling on the mistakes and disappointments, look at the lessons learned. If you loved someone and they broke your heart, at least you felt love. Some people never feel love. If the love was never reciprocated at least you know you can give love. Some people never give love. They are too afraid. No matter what you experienced, walk out the door feeling grateful for love, even it was fleeting.
- Separate: When letting go, we must lose contact with our exes immediately. A breakup is never mutual. Someone always wants more. If you’re struggling to let go, you’re probably the person who is still holding on, hoping for a reunion or another bout of lovemaking. Delete his/her number if you have to. Put your foot down and do not pick up his/her phone calls.
- No Booze: Drinking is a depressant which only means one thing – you will drunk dial after a breakup! If you spend your first nights trying to forget about your ex-love by making love to a bottle, the bottle will soon be replaced with a cell phone. And slurring is so not sexy. Besides, this will only kill your progress. You will be filled with regret and that is never useful when moving on.
- Heal Alone: Moving on with someone else usually means you are substituting your ex with another. The baggage you carry will feel much heavier as you have yet to heal from the ending of a love affair. By no means should you cut yourself off from dating. Just take your time when frolicking in the dating pool. Depending on the how deeply your last relationship impacted your life, you may just want to be alone for a while. There is nothing wrong with that. It allows real time to heal and get to know yourself.
- Closure: Everyone wants closure but we don’t always receive it from our ex-significant other. If that is the case for you, simply ask yourself the questions and come to your own conclusions. Assess why you are in the predicament you are in. Have you been in this situation before? Do you have a pattern you must break? Do you attract the same partners? What is your role in your singledom and heartbreak? Do you choose to dwell and analyze every detail? Be honest with yourself about why the relationship failed. And please, do not blame others. We all have a part in why relationships fall apart. We just don’t always want to admit it.
In the end, the ease of letting go depends on how we look at the relationship. If you see it as a loss, you will feel the loss with somber tears. If you see it as regret, you will chug a bottle of your favorite concoction while you slur through the telephone. If you see it as a waste of time, you will feel embittered and angry, shouting a man hating song at the top of your song (“Jagged Little Pill”, anyone?) while bleaching his clothes in the bathtub. But, if you see it as an experience, a lesson learned, another story in the journey of finding your King or Queen, it will be that much easier to let go and embrace the love that is to come.