I use to say “I will never find love online.” While sipping on cocktails (a Bacardi and Coke, please) with friends at a NYC bar, I’d vehemently deny any and all possibility of meeting my future husband on a dating app or website.
Fast forward a gazillion years later (I dated online since the beginning of time) and I met Boo on Plenty of Fish. Yes, POF – the site that many women fear due to receiving messages like, “I want to sit on your face.” True story. So, imagine my shock when I (re)signed up, logged on and received a message from the love of my life only 2 hours later.
A week later Boo and I were in a relationship. A year and four months later and we’ve moved in together and are going strong.
What changed? Why did online dating work for me? I changed my inner dialogue.
In 2014, after returning to NYC after a year stint in Los Angeles, I decided to get serious about meeting my future husband. And by serious, I mean positive. I am a relationship girl, and for the most part I always have been. But, I wasn’t certain or optimistic about meeting “the one,” and truly ever connecting with a man who would love me the way I desired and yearned to be loved. That’s unconditionally, kindly, openly, genuinely, consistently and reciprocally. So, I’d date and throw myself wholeheartedly into relationships with these thoughts in mind:
I don’t know if I will ever feel this love. I don’t know if I deserve it. I have abandonment issues and a man may never accept me and my needs. Maybe I will meet him but I don’t know how, when or why it hasn’t happened. Plus, men leave me. I am not lovable enough for them to commit to me and stay.
In NYC again, I took a stand. Something just clicked. Maybe it was the debacle that was “Married at First Sight,” and the thought that I was considering an arranged marriage because “I may not find someone any other way,” I said to myself.
When I turned down the show, I hit rock bottom. All my fears and insecurities came rushing back from where I’d buried them, deep in my psyche. I cried for weeks but it felt like months. When I finally snapped out of it, I felt renewed. I said, “No more.” I wasn’t going to allow my past, my history and my childhood to determine my future.
From then on, I began to say loudly, over cocktails with friends at a NYC bar, and in front of a mirror in my bedroom, “I will find love. This is my year. I will be loved the way that I desire. I am worth it. And maybe I will meet him online.” Slowly, I began to believe it. Slowly, I unblocked my negative energy. I stopped talking shit about myself to myself, and changed my story.
And the rest is history.