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How Changing Your Internal Dialogue Helps Your Love Life

Aha Moment Inspiration
Nydia Mata.

Ay Love!

How Changing Your Internal Dialogue Helps Your Love Life

Ever wonder why you can’t meet the guy for you? Sujeiry shares her inspirational story with some tips.

I use to say “I will never find love online.” While sipping on cocktails (a Bacardi and Coke, please) with friends at a NYC bar, I’d vehemently deny any and all possibility of meeting my future husband on a dating app or website.

Fast forward a gazillion years later (I dated online since the beginning of time) and I met Boo on Plenty of Fish. Yes, POF – the site that many women fear due to receiving messages like, “I want to sit on your face.” True story. So, imagine my shock when I (re)signed up, logged on and received a message from the love of my life only 2 hours later.

PLUS: I Was a Hot Mess Yet He Still Chose Me

A week later Boo and I were in a relationship. A year and four months later and we’ve moved in together and are going strong.

What changed? Why did online dating work for me? I changed my inner dialogue.

In 2014, after returning to NYC after a year stint in Los Angeles, I decided to get serious about meeting my future husband. And by serious, I mean positive. I am a relationship girl, and for the most part I always have been. But, I wasn’t certain or optimistic about meeting “the one,” and truly ever connecting with a man who would love me the way I desired and yearned to be loved. That’s unconditionally, kindly, openly, genuinely, consistently and reciprocally. So, I’d date and throw myself wholeheartedly into relationships with these thoughts in mind:

I don’t know if I will ever feel this love. I don’t know if I deserve it. I have abandonment issues and a man may never accept me and my needs. Maybe I will meet him but I don’t know how, when or why it hasn’t happened. Plus, men leave me. I am not lovable enough for them to commit to me and stay. 

In NYC again, I took a stand. Something just clicked. Maybe it was the debacle that was “Married at First Sight,” and the thought that I was considering an arranged marriage because “I may not find someone any other way,” I said to myself.

When I turned down the show, I hit rock bottom. All my fears and insecurities came rushing back from where I’d buried them, deep in my psyche. I cried for weeks but it felt like months. When I finally snapped out of it, I felt renewed. I said, “No more.” I wasn’t going to allow my past, my history and my childhood to determine my future.

MORE: The Growing Pains of Rejection: To Love and Value Myself

From then on, I began to say loudly, over cocktails with friends at a NYC bar, and in front of a mirror in my bedroom, “I will find love. This is my year. I will be loved the way that I desire. I am worth it. And maybe I will meet him online.” Slowly, I began to believe it. Slowly, I unblocked my negative energy. I stopped talking shit about myself to myself, and changed my story.

And the rest is history.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.


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