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How a Woman’s Overconfidence Can Ruin Her Dating Life

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How a Woman’s Overconfidence Can Ruin Her Dating Life

Overconfidence can make us hard, and then we fear being vulnerable. One woman shares her experience.

“We’re not conceited.  We’re just aware.” This declaration was made several times throughout my college years by me and one of my nearest and dearest, Sydney.  Clearly our parents did a fine job raising self-confident young women who were well aware of their fabulosity.  And if anyone dare categorize it as conceit, we were quick to clarify that it was merely awareness.

PLUS: How to Use Your Inner Confidence to Express Your Love 

It was this confidence that allowed 21 year-old-me to pass messages, scrawled on napkins, across the bar to the bartender I had a crush on.  This same confidence, that at 24, gave me the courage to waltz over to a table of 12 or so guys, sit in the empty seat, and chat up the cutie next to me.  And at 27, this same confidence kicked in as I accidentally-on-purpose started a conversation with the friend of the groom I had picked out of the crowd.

But what if the stakes are higher?  When it isn’t just about flirting or fun, but about being confident enough to confront the man you are in a relationship with about what you need.  Is it still so easy to be Little Miss Ballsy?

Perhaps your fear gets in the way and prevents you from putting on your big girl pants and saying the things you need to say. Like Lara, 28, who wanted to tell a guy she was with “it’s not working” but instead ignored her intuition, convinced herself it would work out and dated him for six more months.

Or, perhaps, you are more like me, and are so hell bent on being the “super-confident-not-high-maintenance-needy-girl” that you swing the pendulum (hard!) in the opposite direction.  I allowed my confidence to get in the way of showing the man I was with that I wanted to be with him.  Despite every article I’d read in Cosmo and the advice of every male friend and relationship guru, I assumed he’d “get it” or “take the hint.”  In my stubborn quest to look anything less than perfect and put together, I never let him know how I felt and as a result he probably thought I just wasn’t that into him.

MORE: A Man Asks: Is Courtship When Dating Really Dead? 

So maybe confidence is more complicated than Sydney and I originally thought; declaring your fabulosity is only part of the picture.  The other part, the more challenging part, is when you are able to not only leave your number with the hottie selling you shoes at Macy’s , but also tell the man you love when you aren’t happy and need more from him in your relationship.  Lucky for us, life gives us plenty of practice for both.  If you need to strap on your strappy sandals, gloss your lips, and make eyes with a handsome stranger across the bar to get your groove back – go ahead, Stella.  If you need to go out on a limb and say what’s in your heart at the cost of some guy’s perception of you – go ahead.   You are a beautiful, confident, and fabulous woman, and everyone, including you, should be aware.

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Krista P.

Krista is a NYC writer on all things love and lingerie. An observer of life, she loves sharing her two cents on dating and relationships as well as girl power.

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