Dear Sujeiry and Rich,
I have a friend who I’ve know since we were 3 yrs old. We dated for a year and I moved and that’s what broke us up. We recently started talking again. He bring us up and it brings back feelings but I stay quiet. He asked me if I loved him and if me loving him would ever stop. I say yes, but I really don’t understand what he means by that last part. I try to ask him and he says “never mind” or walks away. Why does he walk away every time I try to understand what he means?
He Walks Away
Dear He Walks Away,
He’s reminiscing about feelings, which is good. He asks you if you love him, which is good. And he’s pretty much asking if you would ever stop loving him (also good). That’s what he means by “if me loving him would ever stop.”
Now, I do see a red flag. You didn’t say he tells you he loves you. If he does say he loves you then that’s another plus. If he doesn’t then he is showing the signs of a man who rather have a woman express herself but who is not willing to open up as well. He is also showing this quality when he walks away when you ask him to explain what he means. Obviously, homeboy ain’t comfortable talking about his emotions. Lots of men are like that but not all women have the patience for this silent caveman behavior. You have to figure out if this is something you can handle.
What do you say Rich? Was I on your male point or what?
Dear He Walks Away,
Sujeiry hit it on the head when she said men are not comfortable talking about their emotions. A lot of guys don’t know why they do this, but the answer is simple: we’re told from a very young that “big boys don’t cry.” We learn that from our fathers and male-role models, and take that to heart! Ever seen a guy cry hard? It’s like a fire hydrant! That’s from years of suppressing our emotions. This guy obviously has feelings for you and has great difficulty showing it (caveman/thug mentality). You have to ask yourself some questions here:
- Do I really love him?
- Does he really love me?
- What are we willing to do to make this thing work?
- Do you want it to work?
We men will always pine about the one that got away. You might be that one! That last part that you are confused about, he wants to know if you will always love him. I think he wants some sort of confirmation that yes you will continue to love him. You might just convince him to relocate for you. When love is real, you do what you have to make it work.