I’ve never been a gold digger but I recently acquired a taste for toys – and will do just about anything for them. No, not those kind of toys. I am talking about Pop! Vinyl figures. From Lily Munster to the the ladies from the “Golden Girls,” they carry a variety of characters. This is my new addiction.
So when a guy I had mixed feelings about asked me to go see Alice Through the Looking Glass this weekend, I only said yes when he mentioned a surprise he had just for me: Iracebeth, the Red Queen Pop! Vinyl figure from the movie. How could I say no?
Suddenly, I imagined myself devouring the box and pulling her big red head from the cardboard. Touching her tiny, little plastic body. “I’ll buy the tickets.” I texted. Sadly, the tickets cost more than the figure but the temptation was just too great to bare. I had to have her at all costs! What was one night on the town when I could come home and add her to my collection?
The big night approached. My date pulled up and rang the doorbell empty handed.
Where was she? Was he holding her hostage until after the movie for an invite into my crib? Would I have to turn a trick in order to have my toy?!
I quickly offered to drive to the movie when he said he had to get something from his car. And there she was. Pop!Vinyl Figure 185. She was perfect.
We sat through the movie and there was absolutely no chemistry between us, although it was our fifth date. I didn’t care. Bored with my date and the movie, I got lost in a fantasy.
“Off with your head!” I yelled while towering over his cherub-like face. I then ran to the nearest exit and drove away with Iracebeth safely in my car. We were like Thelma and Louise, only she couldn’t talk and was the size of an iPhone.
Snapping out of it, I focused on the movie again without making a scene. After all, they wouldn’t let me keep Iracebeth in a hospital, and I didn’t want to wait 72 hours before holding her.
Finally at home, I felt obligated to invite my date in. He gave me what I wanted so maybe I had to give him something in return. I lit some candles. Luckily, he said, ” I better get going.” You’re damn straight you better get going! I’m lighting these so I can set the mood for my time with Iracebeth. The ambience had to be just right to extract My Precious from her cardboard prison.
He was gone without so much as a kiss. Thank God, I’ve kissed enough frogs in my day, and we were finally alone – just me and my toy. I lifted her from the box and hugged her little body. “You were worth every second of it. If I had to do it all over again, I would.”