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How To Get The Relationship You Want

Ay Love!

How To Get The Relationship You Want

Often times women get together to complain about their boyfriends, husbands, booty calls, and attached love interests. They sit around a table, listening to sorrowful boleros from Lolita and sipping on Manishewitz grape wine. They sing along to the tunes, off key and off balance, and find support in the common misery that they’ll continue to live “for the kids”, “for the rent”, “for love”.

Mami was one of those women as were my Tia Argentina and third cousin Josely. I remember rushing by the living room, eager to play with my cousin Wendy’s new Barbie or listen to Yahaira’s salsa mixed tapes. We were unaware that the women who were our rocks were crumbling. They weren’t getting the love and respect they desired and deserved. So they chugged Jewish wine, ate their pain away con platos de locrio, and cursed men behind closed doors.

Growing up witnessing this bitter camaraderie led me down the same path. At 30 years old, I found myself partaking in the same whiny, male-bashing behavior. The only difference being a bottle of Bacardi and the oooh and aahs of Xscape in the background. So what is it about women? Why are we so compelled to suffer in silence? And how do we get what we want from the men in our lives? Here’s how:

1. Figure out what you want. Without this knowledge, you’ll make the same mistakes and live in stalemate. How do you find clarity? Meditating, questioning, writing in a journal, exercising…anything you can do to silence the chaos of your mind (and your instigating friends). Ask yourself: what type of romance do I want to live? Do I want to be a chilla, a wife, a mother, a single gal? How do I want to be treated? Once you find the answers to these questions you can move onto the next step.

2. Speak up to the man in your life! It’s great to vent to girlfriends but they aren’t the cause of your misery! Sit your man down and tell him what you desire, expect, and will not accept. Set boundaries and hold him just as accountable as you hold yourself. If he’s receptive move on to Step 3. If not, you need some Manishewitz STAT!

3. Decide if this is the romance you want to live. Don’t make any decisions based on societal rules and double standards. Shake off el que diran and the judgmental side eyes of your friends and family. They’re angry because they haven’t mustered the courage to verbalize what they want. Instead of living in peace and happiness, they’re still chugging Manishewitz and sobbing along to Ana Gabriel.

Be the grand women that you are meant to be! The next time a little one rushes by your living room, make sure they witness smiling faces, not mascara smears. Your and your kin will be merrier because of it.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.


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