As women, we often complain about men and how they don’t want to commit. The man in question evades questions about his whereabouts, his feelings and his desire to settle down, even when you’ve nagged for weeks.
“He doesn’t propose!” A woman may shout while scanning the Martha Stewart Wedding site for decor ideas.
“I don’t even have a drawer in his apartment!” Another may realize when packing up a roommate who is moving in with her significant other.
“I want more!” You may scream after another relationship is on hold or has predictably failed.
Or do you?
If you have always been in non-committal relationships, it’s time to look within and ask yourself, am I also a commitmentphobe? We are the Common Denominator, after all. Look at your relationship history and patterns. We can’t change our past but we can make better choices for the future.
If you really desire a commitmed relationship, beware of the following situations moving forward:
- The Taken One: He has a girlfriend. You know this but go for it anyway. He claims he will leave her, and you believe him. A friend of a friend was in the same predicament, so why is your situation different? Chances of him leaving his home and relationship for you, or truly committing to anyone, are slim. Still, you remain. Because it is easier to be with someone who can’t commit than to admit you aren’t ready to be with someone who can.
- Just Sex: Whether it’s a friends with benefits or multiple one night stands, you often find yourself in relationships where sex is the focus. There is nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t expect more. If you find yourself emotionally connecting to your part-time lover, as women often do, then it’s time to evaluate what you want and if he/she can provide. If you remain and still have feelings of love and a need for a partnership, then you may be afraid to dig a little deeper.
- The Casual One: You hang out from time to time with no ties. “I just wants to chill,” he says. “I don’t want a relationship,” he reaffirms. You nod, agreeing to your (non)relationship label. “I want the same thing!” You reply. Even though you’ve kept a box under your bed and filled it with ticket stubs, photos and other mementos of your (non)relationship. You lie to him and to yourself because you are afraid of commitment. You rather have some of him than none of him.
No one is perfect. We all go through bouts of confusion and uncertainty. As women, we may not always want to commit or marry. We may be satisfied with our singledom. However, if you find yourself trying on an a diamond on your ring finger or pasting photos of wedding dresses on your vision board, you are avoiding the obvious. You want something real. You want a commitment. You just don’t want to admit it.