There are some situations in a woman’s life that nothing can prepare us for. It’s one of those circumstances that absolutely breaks our heart.
My heart shattered a few months before my wedding. I was fighting with my fiancé and, suddenly, mid sentence, he said, “I just had a baby.” His words came out of nowhere. I felt blindsided. He then walked into the other room and refused to talk about it. He had zero remorse.
I did not understand how this could happen. I lived with my fiancé. He came home every night. There was no suspicious behavior: no secret phone calls, texts or social media activity that would raise concern. Suddenly, it hit me. He had a “business trip” in North Carolina seven months before he broke the news. His ex also happens to live in North Carolina.
I confronted him with my revelation, and he admitted it was her. But I didn’t want to believe it. I repeatedly did the math in my head, convincing myself this child could not be his.
I dwelled on the situation so much that it made me sick. I was no longer busy planning my dream wedding. The thought of him seeing his child for the first time consumed me. Would he leave me to for his ready-made family? Would he make plans every holiday to visit his baby? Would he spend it with his ex, the mother of his child? To make matters worse, he was shady and grew secretive throughout the entire ordeal. He never once expressed guilt. He made a mistake, he said, I could live with it or leave. I was suffering from intense anxiety attacks. My hair began falling out, and I gained so much weight that my wedding dress was altered. My hands were literally shaking all day. I even missed a few menstrual cycles.
Why didn’t I leave? I was marking my territory. I wanted this girl to know that he was my man. I am a highly competitive person. I wanted to win, and to win I had to marry him.
Then, the shocker of shocker: a month before my wedding I discovered that I was three months pregnant. I thought I missed my period due to the stress of it all. Still, I wasn’t happy even though I was having a baby of my own. Eventually, due to the stress, I had a miscarriage a week before the wedding.
As for my fiancé and his child, I never believed it was his – and neither did our pastor. Our Pastor convinced him to ask for a DNA test. My fiancé had been sending money for over a year and had only seen three photos of this miracle baby. The mother refused the DNA test. In a months time, she disconnected her phone number and we never heard from her again. It didn’t matter. His cheating and this lies destroyed our relationship. We did get married. I beat her! Only my prize was a lying cheater who continued to be unfaithful for years to come.
Fortunately, I saw the light. I divorced him and found my happiness.
If you are in this situation, I hope my story inspires you to walk away – now. You deserve better and you will never fully trust your cheating guy again. Pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on. Know that men can be faithful. The man that will respect you andc love you is out there, waiting for you to be free, single and ready. Now that’s winning.