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Contributing To The Save A Ho Complex: Fairy Tale Edition

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Contributing To The Save A Ho Complex: Fairy Tale Edition

Snow White. She is a sleepy fairy princess who must be kissed by a prince to return to the waking world. Cinderella is rescued as well, not by a Fairy God Brother, but by her Fairy God Mother. Progressive, as far as fairy tales go. Then again, the glass slipper is slid on her slender foot by a man, and there courtship is what saves her from the daily domestic torture she experiences at the hands of her wicked step-mother and sisters.

These stories relay a clear message. Women are helpless and can’t do a damn thing without a prince, or a beast, or a frog? Yup. We even need frogs to rescue us from our feminine plight! Which leads me to wonder, how have I contributed to this century old and seemingly ever-lasting trend?

Well, here goes nothing.

  • Dinners Paid: I expect men, no, demand that men pay for my meal and drinks (and everything else) on our first few dates.  I believe this is what gentlemen should do when courting a lady, though I can and do pay for my own meals and movie tickets when out with my friends or alone.  If a man refuses, I huff and puff, like a bratty child, and definitely would not see him again. In my mind, a woman should be courted, and with that comes being treated.
  • Lift This Up: When carrying a heavy suitcase up and down stairs, I scan the area, hoping that a man will use his muscles and carry the suitcase for me. He doesn’t even have to have bulging biceps or triceps. As long as he has a penis and is a willing picker-upper, I throw my bags right at him. Can I carry a bag up many  flights of stair?  Of course, though grudgingly. I actually do so more often than not. I live in a 4-story walk up in NYC and there aren’t always men in sight, or willing to help  for that matter. Still, I rather not break a sweat if I don’t have to.
  • Trash Collector: I loathe taking out the trash. It’s smelly and heavy (see above) and just a pain on my dainty hands. I do it because I have to but, just like the suitcase, I expect a man to collect the trash and throw it down the shoot. I hate trash collecting so much that I pretends to forget to take out the trash. I figure someone else in my household will do it. So if I live alone again, I’m fucked.
  • Bang That Hammer: I consider myself pretty handy. I walked into a hardware store, bought a gallon of paint called Royalty, and painted my bedroom walls all in one weekend. I even placed brand new tiles on my bedroom floor all by my lonesome. So, yes, I can do-it-myself, but I am looking forward to the day where I can pass the hammer to a man who can bang that nail in, and later bang me…but not as fast or hard.
  • Water Bug Killer: When I see a water bug, I usually scream, “Maaaamiiiiiiiii!” My mother was born and raised in the campos of the Dominican Republic; a water bug to her is as intimidating as an ant.  But I know Mami won’t be there forever. Aside from aging, her throbbing knees have left her almost immobile. I cannot expect her to wobble around, at turtle pace, to kill a water bug that speeds like a Corvette on an open road. So a man will be my water bug killer. He has to be or we’ll be two screaming penedejos.

Apparently, I am guilty as charged in regards to perpetuating the Save A Ho complex. This doesn’t mean I need a prince to save me from everything. On the contrary, I would survive and live a happy, though perhaps whiny, life, even if completing these manly duties myself. I know I can do anything that I put my mind to, even if unsavory, because I am a woman. Snow White and Cinderella can’t convince me otherwise.

And that, Pepitas, is the real fairy tale.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of LoveSujeiry.com. She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto LoveSujeiry.com - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on Latina.com works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.

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