I have known my ex boyfriend, Adam, since I was 15 years old. He knows absolutely everything about me, including the time I spray painted “whore” on my nemeses’ door and when I drank 10 small bottles of ginseng to get high. Fortunately, that was only a phase and I wasn’t actually a deliquent.
As we grew up Adam challenged me, encouraging me to think outside the box. He introduced me to controversial books and political figures that would sculpt my beliefs for the rest of my life. He was different than any other man I had ever met or would ever meet going forward. Yet I had no idea the gem I had in front of me.
I decided to end our relationship. This was the biggest mistake of my life.
Soon after – almost too soon – I discovered Adam was having a baby and getting married. It was like the scene in 13 Going on 30 where Jennifer Garner tells Mark Ruffalo how happy she is for him right before he is about to marry the wrong woman.
“Go on. I’m fine. I’m just crying because I’m happy. I want you to be so, so happy. I love you, Matt. You’re my best friend.”
This is exactly how I felt. My ex boyfriend, best friend, my best everything was marrying the wrong woman. Only there was no magic dust like in the movie to return us back to our youth, so I could right my wrong. I had to live with my decision. I wanted to be a part of his life even if it was in the friend zone, but that wasn’t going to happen.
I would have been happy to meet his new wife. But, she knew about our long history and forbid him to talk to me. I would never hook up with a married man, not even if I still had romantic feelings for him. It’s not who I am. I thought, if she took the time to know me, she would realize I’m not a threat to her or her marriage. Perhaps we could even become friends. Besides, I want my very own Mark Ruffalo to be happy. I love him that much.
So I’ve stopped dreaming of running off into the sunset with Adam by my side. He has children. He made a commitment to his wife. I value that. That’s why I told him that I will leave him be just as his wife wishes. No magic fairy dust can change that.