I used to blurt “chivalry is dead!” in the presence of men only to be met with a rude roll of the eyes. You know, that “here we go again” look that makes you want to argue the validity of your statement? The truth is, ladies, that statement deserves a hard eye roll and maybe even a quick shake of the head. Women are pushing men away and in turn killing chivalry.
During the feminist movement, the women who fought for our rights and equality didn’t include a “scare every man away” sentiment in their campaigns and slogans. Yet decades later that’s what women are doing. Being told that we could only be housewives clearly left battle wounds. We are so wrapped up in school, in climbing the corporate ladder before the next man does, and in putting off the idea of starting a family that we are forgetting what it’s like to be courted and feel wanted.
A notion has also been instilled in women that men are our competition, and that we must teach men that they are not a necessity rather a mere addition. A woman can find the man who makes her heart skip a beat, yet demand to drive herself to the date and pull up with Neyo’s “Miss Independent” on blast when she arrives. Ya know, to show off that awesome new car her awesome job and hard-earned degree paid for. Even the man with “gentleman” pumping through his veins would hesitate to open that car door when the ignition’s off!
Why are we doing this? For generations, we were conditioned to believe that women had nothing to contribute to society other than child bearing, nurturing, and house work, and that men had to think for us. Boy were they ever wrong, and boy are we here to prove that! Sure, that’s cool. Until we become that dreaded, lonely cat lady.
So how do you get a ring on your finger, or a date for that matter, and stop screaming “woooo!” when the DJ plays Beyonce’s “Single Ladies?” It’s time to let the wounds heal, ladies. It’s time to let men be gentlemen. These tips will help you get started.
1. Let him open your door. If he hesitates, stand there and let him. If he doesn’t get the hint, lead him to the passenger door and let him open it for you. This way he knows you are okay with taking the lead.
2. Accept his sweater when it’s cold out. You don’t have to tough it out.
3. Let him pay for dinner. Don’t have battle of the debit cards in front of the server- it’s ugly.
4. Hear him out. It’s okay to let him talk about his accomplishments too.
5. If the butterflies don’t go away and he hasn’t text or called, make that move. He’s waiting on you! Be yourself and most importantly be real with your feelings while renaming open. However, if you contact him and he still isn’t showing effort, move on to the next.
So you see chivalry isn’t dead, ladies, we’re killing it softly.