I don’t have a problem giving my hunny a quick kiss in public or holding hands while we stroll through the city. What I won’t do is dry hump him or suck on his face while riding a crowded NYC subway as parents and children watch horrified. I’ve bared witness to this along with couples french kissing in family-friendly restaurants and in the middle of a sidewalk. They’re so busy making out they block the damn way! And all I want to do is scream, “GET A ROOM, PENDEJOS!”
Stephen and I have never been the kind of couple to publicly feel up on each other. It’s something we consider to be quite private and not for everybody and their mother to see. And i get it, love is amazing, but I rather not see you make love in the club – literally.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with showing public displays of affection. The issue lies when you’re making others feel uncomfortable. Ahum, then you’re the issue (sorry not sorry). Let’s lay it all out on the table, people. Here’s what NOT to do.
That tongue kiss
Tap kisses and small pecks on the cheek are adorable, but if you’re doing it every other second it becomes annoying. Kisses on the neck or elsewhere are inappropriate when out in public, and honestly, nobody wants to see that shit! Oh, and tongue kisses? Please don’t let them last more than a few seconds as those tend to get very sloppy – and you look hideous while doing so.
That seductive touching
Touching, rubbing, or grabbing any private parts in public is down right disturbing. Your boo’s ass may be toned and tight, but we don’t need to see you grip it. Do that on your own time. Please and thank you.
That dry humping
Grinding and having sex with your clothes on is a total no-no. But you knew that already, didn’t you? We’re humans and things can escalate quickly. Hide your boners, erections or whatever you want to call them. Those should NEVER be visible the naked eyes (pun intended). Seriously.
Those sound effects
Moaning, screaming, groaning, breathing heavy: we shouldn’t hear any of that. You aren’t a wild animal. Or maybe you are.
The only people who should get a glimpse of your genitalia are your significant other and gynecologist. Hide your naked parts, put them away. Those who don’t want to see it can technically accuse you of sexual harassment.
Lesson here: do your nasty things on your own time. Or get it poppin’ and book a hotel room!