With a click, I logged into my online dating account. Three new messages. I was optimistic that the changes I made to the “what I’m looking for” section of my profile led qualified candidates to apply for the Be My Man position. The first message was so horrendous that it was, in the words of Sujeiry, “HIGHlarious.” The youngin’ from across the globe was looking for a relationship “with love lasting forever” with ” older(matured i meant) women.” Huh? Apparently, I’m old. I mean, “mature.”
He did have an argument I couldn’t knock. Women in their 30s do know the value of a relationship. Most of us, at least. I can’t blame him for trying, but a few things, clearly, got lost in translation! Fortunately for me, two messages were a step up – and a step in the right direction.
Both guys were nice. No skankalicious screen names involving the size they wish they were. No excessive exclamations about how perfect we’d be together (you haven’t met me yet, homie!). And, rivaling in importance, no errors in subject-verb agreement. What I got was straight up, polite introductions that would make their mothers proud. They were good guys. They were nice guys. However, they were not the right guys for me. The attraction and intrigue just weren’t there. And then, “Click.” My brain finally puts it together.
Good is nice and nice is good, but what I need is butterflies.
Now, I know that butterflies alone do not a relationship make. I, like many ladies I know, have experienced the bitterness of the relationship that never was or the one that failed even though it started with the sweetness of butterflies. But when my reaction to a guy (online, or in person) is just, “Eh,” it’s probably not going to happen. Considering I already know how incredible butterflies can be, it’s hard for me to get it up (metaphorically speaking, of course) for just okay.
I’m not the only one. Dana, 29, is navigating through a sea of men, and recently lamented about how unenthused she was by her current prospects – all nice, but no spark. “It’s always a bad sign when I plan to call a guy back and somehow five days pass by and it’s still on my to do list after laundry and buying groceries! If I was really into him, I’d never let that happen! I’d be buying new clothes and eating takeout.”
Nikki, 32, knew all too well what I was referring to and recalled a recent set up with a friend of a friend. “I felt bad because he really was nice, but something was just…not there. My friend couldn’t believe how I just ‘gave up’ on such a nice guy. Maybe she thinks I’m crazy, but I’m too cute to settle for nice alone.”
I agree wholeheartedly. We are definitely too cute to settle, although, even the best of us are sometimes tempted. At this point, I knew in my head I wanted butterflies. However, my heart had forgotten their flutter. I was just far enough removed from them to forget why they were worth waiting for. I felt like a kid counting down for Christmas in July. I was racked with anticipation for what I knew would eventually come, but was hard to envision.