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Why Trying Too Hard Never Gets the Guy

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Why Trying Too Hard Never Gets the Guy

You give him googly eyes and chase him down at the bar! Here’s why desperation never works.

“Circumcision…it’s just like opening a bottle of wine. You have to unwrap the foil to get to the cork.”

What the…I overheard a guy having this conversation on a lively subway ride.  My fingers couldn’t text the transcript fast enough to my girlfriends who promptly texted back ‘LOL.’ This, my friends, is a case of what happens when guys try too hard to impress a girl. Overeager behavior leads to diarrhea of the mouth which leads to comments like this being put out into the universe. The poor girl on the other end of this conversation eked out a giggle as she silently wished she would have put her iPod in her ears and ignored him in the first place.

PLUS: You’re Thirsty! 6 Desperate Things Men Do on First Dates

While this provided me (and my friends) a chuckle, it probed me to think about the instances in which women are also guilty of trying too hard to get a guy’s attention. It may not involve cheesy lines, random comments, or game-less banter, but the outcome of coming off a little scary, is the same. After all, what man wants a woman to tell him about the number of children she wants to have within five minutes of meeting him?

Although I’ve never reached that extent of self-exposure, I have been guilty of working a little too hard to get to know someone who should have been working that hard to get to know me. I met the real estate broker one hot and steamy summer night at a going away party at a bar. He was cute enough and our conversation was interesting enough. Not quite the intense connection I had experienced with others in the past, but because I was particularly bored and lonely at the time, it seemed like a good idea to kick my “game” into high gear. I hung around his crew of friends for most of the evening, forcing conversation when necessary, in hopes of saying something so witty that he would instantly fall for me. I “conveniently” managed to find him on the other side of the bar after he was nowhere to be found when I returned from my trip to the bathroom. I even broke my cardinal rule and took his card even after I told him “I didn’t call boys.” To make matters even worse, when making sure he would remember me, I traced the letters of my name on his chest with my index finger. Rather than showing my mysterious, yet alluring side, I showed my it’s-been-a-long-time-and-I-want-any-boy-to-call me side. Even today, I’m still slightly embarrassed and can only use my youth as a means of justifying my behavior.

As a result, I’ve come to discover over the years that the times where I met my most promising and viable suitors were when I wasn’t even paying attention. The night I met Rick, I was running late (the result of a hair crisis!) to meet my friend Marisa at a party. An ex-friend with benefits of hers was there and she needed me to be her wing girl. In the midst of making the ex-FWB jealous, by talking up how fabulous our lives were, I struck up a conversation with Rick. Before I knew it, our simple conversation had transitioned to a flirtatious banter. Shortly after, we were off to a bar together where canoodling ensued.

MORE: Why Chemistry Alone Does Not Make a Relationship:

So, how should you avoid becoming “verbal diarrhea boy” or “throw yourself at him girl,” especially when bored, lonely, vulnerable, or in a drought? How can you “not pay attention” when all you really need is a little attention? As hard as it may be (trust me, I know), focus on everything else! Be naturally interesting and engaging because your life is full with family, friends, and fun. Find validation in taking care of you. But don’t forget – you’ve still got to flirt! Appropriately, of course. Put yourself out there. Challenge yourself to go outside of your comfort zone, but stay true to you. When you least expect it, what you need will find you.

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Krista P.

Krista is a NYC writer on all things love and lingerie. An observer of life, she loves sharing her two cents on dating and relationships as well as girl power.

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