I am the first to admit that toxic relationships are addicting. It’s actually hard to walk away. Even with all the drama, lying, cheating and every other negative emotion and experience you go through, something pulls you back in.
It happened to me. I was in a toxic off-and-on relationship for years. We would fight every other day. He cheated on me, I cheated on him. There was absolutely no trust. When it was good it felt like an amazing high; when it was bad it felt like someone ripped my heart out. It was a never-ending vicious cycle.
My friends told me I was bringing this shit on myself, and they were right. I was addicted to the drama. Does this sound familiar? Do you keep going back to a man who isn’t good for you, or you for him? Here are some ways to finally end that toxic off-again/on-again relationship.
Tell him it’s over and own it.
You’ve yelled, “It’s over!” a million times but always take him back. No one believes you’re serious about ending this relationship – not your man, not your friends, not your family. You need to tell this fool it’s over and own that shit. Take the necessary steps to end it once and for all. Pack his things in boxes, or throw it all in trash bags – all of it. Don’t be the girl that holds on to his t-shirt to sleep in.
Block his number and him on social media.
Be the one that blocks all contact. You shouldn’t have anything to do with him anymore. As women, we like to come up with excuses to contact our exes. “But, Tabitha, he owes me money!” or, “He has my (fill in the blank)!” Unless he’s holding one of you internal organs hostage in an ice bath, you have no reason to contact him. If you do, you might get pulled back into this toxic relationship.
Don’t entertain the rumors.
Do you watch “Jerry Springer”? It’s entertaining, right? Well, so is your relationship. People love to watch drama unfold; it makes them feel good about their own relationships. So, if someone brings up your ex, and shares information about what he’s doing and with whom, dismiss it. Personally, I would say, “Seriously, so glad that chapter of my life is over.” Of course, you might not feel that way! You probably want to know what he’s up to, or you’re so angry you want him to be miserable. Personally, I hoped the fucker caught something! I was hurt, but I didn’t let anyone see my pain. It’s the only way to stop the rumor mill.
Get a life.
I used to waste my time waiting at home for my man. I also spent countless hours talking with my girls about what he might or might not be doing. I was always crying over something. I lost myself in him and my toxic relationship. That’s why it’s so important to get your life back. Now that it’s over, you need to do you. Make plans and follow through with them, even if you feel the urge to cancel. Force yourself to socialize again. Rebuild your life without him.
Don’t sport a rebound man.
When you’re used to a toxic relationship you quickly jump into another relationship. In your own twisted way you want it to get back to your ex, and make him jealous. You want to hurt him or get his attention. What you need to do is stay single. Work on yourself for at least six months before entertaining a new relationship. Before dating again, make sure you are mentally and emotionally stable. Do not bring a third party into your drama.
Remember: these relationships are called “toxic” for a reason. A toxic relationship takes a toll on your emotional health and self esteem. In the end you just might lose yourself. So put yourself first and move on once and for all.