I want to date a man who only has eyes for me, not one that keeps his options open. However, when dating a man you meet online, this can become an extremely touchy subject. With a few clicks you can tell if his dating profile is still active and even see the last time he logged on.
So what if you discover he logs on daily? You’re upset and need to know why he’s active on OK Cupid or POF or any other dating site, for that matter, if he’s dating you? Should you talk to him about taking his profile down? There’s a time and a place when this conversation is appropriate. No one wears desperation well, and you certainly don’t want to come across as a stage five clinger.
There are some situations where you should initiate the “online dating profile(s) talk.” Here’s when and how to handle this sticky situation:
You’ve gone on three or more dates and constantly and consistently interact and communicate.
If this sounds familiar, pay close attention to what your guy is saying and if he follows through with action. Does he include you in his future plans? Is he planning to introduce you to his friends and family? If so, a great way to approach the subject is to mention your profile. If you are pretty confident in your relationship, deactivate yours and casually mention it. If he reacts poorly or brushes off your comment, the relationship may not be as serious as you assumed or hoped.
You talk on a semi-regular basis and only see each other sporadically.
If he’s not picking up the phone as frequently as you would like, and you’re not sure when you will see him again, you should not ask him about his dating profile or question his activity. He’s showing you through his actions that he wants to keep his options open.
He states he is looking for a casual relationship in his dating profile.
What does his profile really say? Does he have “casual” checked off when asked about what he is looking for right now? Perhaps. Keep in mind that just because a guy is online dating doesn’t mean he wants a serious relationship. Tons of guys have seamlessly transitioned to picking up women at a bar to the online realm. In this situation, keep your options open. If he can’t stay off his profile, he isn’t all in. You shouldn’t be either, no matter how much you like him.