Are you all too familiar with hearing, “It’s not you, it’s me”? I know I am. Just last week I was rejected by yet another guy I thought I hit it off with. After casually dating for a few months, I woke up to the “reject text.” Admittedly, I contemplated going Diary of a Mad Black Woman on him. After a few seconds, I calmed down and handled the rejection like a “grown woman.”
No matter how long you’ve been playing the dating game, it’s hard to get used to being rejected, especially when you’ve been in the game for as long as I have. Unfortunately, I’ve conditioned myself to deal with this due to dating in The Concrete Jungle. After serving many “mad black woman” moments when rejected, I learned that as good as it feels to rip a guy a new asshole for hurting you, it ultimately doesn’t make things any better. In the midst of my “crazy girl” moments, I’ve managed to pick up a few tips and tricks on how to swallow the “rejection pill” with ease, class and maturity.
DON’T react right away.
When receiving “reject texts or emails” I’d react off of anger and spite – and
that never EVER worked. Not only did it make me look crazy, but usually my responses were laced with name calling, profanity and spiteful blows to the guy’s character (and manhood, yikes!). As good as it feels to give that dickhead a piece of your mind (and tell him he’s going to miss out on all the great sex you have to offer) it won’t help much. Often times when we react out of anger we don’t say what we really think and feel because we are too caught up in the moment. Instead, it’s best to wait a while until you are fully composed and can thoroughly craft a response. After you’ve given it some rational time and thought, you’ll speak more clearly and express yourself as you wanted without the expletives. Trying to convince him to stick around by highlighting your strengths and downsizing his is a surefire way to come off as an immature, temperamental, spoiled little princess who throws verbal tantrums when she doesn’t get her way.
DO continue to date.
It’s hard to jump right back into things after being rejected, but trust me – mourning at home for the second weekend in a row about the ‘relationship that could have been’ is a waste of time. You are missing out on dating guys who actually want to be with you. Yeah, it sucks being dumped, but the best way to handle a dating tumble is to get right back up, dust yourself off and get back at it!
DON’T blame yourself.
Women are often berated for being emotional, especially when it comes to romance and relationships. But, remember: a man who puts all the blame on you, or uses your emotions as a reason to break lose, is doing you a favor and is NOT the man for you. Whether passive aggressively or outright, no man has the right to make a woman feel bad about herself. Besides, a man that can’t step to you with conviction and break things off like a man is no man at all.
DO celebrate the rejection.
What I mean is celebrate your freedom, celebrate yourself, and celebrate the fact that you dodged a bullet for more potential heartache from a man who wasn’t into you! Take some time to celebrate and spoil yourself a little. Do something that will boost your confidence a bit. Take a much needed personal day to pamper yourself, whatever your heart desires. Refocus all that energy you used on dating him on yourself.
DON’T take your rejection out on other men.
It’s easy to say that all men are the same, but – DON’T. Never ever go into a new situation with a new guy with old baggage. Not only is it unattractive, but it’s also a big turn off and can lead to a premature end to your new relationship. Take time to fully mourn and heal from the rejections of the past before moving on to someone new. If you don’t, you’ll take out your frustration out on the new guy and that will only lead to – you guessed it – more rejection.
Handling rejection with style, class, and maturity won’t happen overnight. There will be moments where you’ll revert to your old ways and tell a guy to kiss your ass. But remember, these familiar and angry tactics often hurt you more than they help. With patience and practice (and a little bit of wine), you’ll soon suck up rejection like a grown ass woman.