You meet a guy, sparks fly and he seems to be the one you’ve been looking for. He is everything you have always wanted in a man. In fact, if you could make a wish list, it would totally be him. But he does not want a serious relationship. You pursue him anyway.
In the beginning, you secretly think he will change his mind because after all, he’s perfect. He’s going through all of the motions, and taking the time to get to know you on a deeper level. You’re learning so much about him. You’re wondering why someone would invest so much time in you if they weren’t serious about you in some way. It’s definitely not all about sex. All you need to do is go with the flow and eventually he’ll see what an amazing woman you are, right? RIGHT?!
Wrong. If a guy tells you he doesn’t want to get serious, he means it. Regardless of his actions, he does not want to be your boyfriend. This is the worst type of dude, he’s a mindfucker. And here’s why he keeps messing with you instead of just hitting and quitting it:
He wants to leave his options open to see other women.
He is telling you that he is not committed to you so if he meets another cool girl he is free to date her too, and you can’t get mad. That cute girl at the gym? He’s free to chat her up anytime he wants. He’s single. He’s available. You are an option, that’s it. Right now, you just happen to be option number 1.
He doesn’t have to answer to you.
If he wants to go out with “a friend” and shit seems suspect, guess who has no right to question him? That’s right, you!!! If he goes ghost on you for a few days and gives you some vague answer as to where he’s been, well, you’re not his girl – and you knew the situation. These mind fuckers have it made!
He isn’t introducing you to his friends.
If you have never met one single friend or family member, that is a huge red flag. Maybe he talks about them and you know them on a first name basis but you don’t get to meet them. He may not be proud of you, or considers you a secret. If you have met them and he’s introducing you as his friend, seriously? Do you fuck all of your friends?
Now, let’s go back to the beginning: is he still everything you’ve ever wanted in a man? Is this really your wish list? This guy is treating you like an option, and you need to make a choice and leave him. There are absolutely no consequences for his behavior because you have accepted a “relationship” that’s more of a “situationship” where you will never come out on top. You are investing time and energy in someone who is giving you nothing in return. He is living in the present moment and filling the current void in his life.
It’s hard but you have to cut him off. Stop all contact. If he really is the exception to the rule, he will seek you out and do right by you. Never lose sight of who you are and what you have to offer in a relationship by settling for a man who doesn’t see your value.