“God, can you send me a man the good old fashion way?” I wait for an answer on my hands and knees like a good Catholic girl and…nada.
“It’s ok, God, I know you don’t work this fast.” I stand up, return to singlehood, and wait. I wait and wait and then realize it’s been over 6 months since I’ve been on a date. Back on my knees I go.
“Ok, God, maybe the good old fashion way doesn’t exist anymore,” I muse, shifting my weight from one knee to the other “and I should give online dating another shot. That’s what you’re silence is telling me, right? Right!”
Convinced, I launch the POF app and edit my old profile, adding current photos, a new location and an updated bio. I know what I want now more than ever, I have no qualms sharing it with the men on POF. I smile, ready to meet someone fantastic. I’ve done the work, I’ve healed, and I’m excited, dammit!
“This time will be different,” I say to myself, “and I’ll meet my future husband, not just my future fiancé.”
It doesn’t take long before I receive messages. Only most of them are comprised of 2-3 words with terrible grammar to boot.
How hard is it to press Shift+H, man? And it’s “you’re” not “your”!
Days turn to weeks and online dating over 40 begins to feel like a part-time job that I’m forced to clock into because the rent is too damn high. I spend hours perusing the profiles of the men that have messaged me because I want to meet someone that aligns with my values, not just my hotness. And that’s THE WORST about online dating: all men believe they have a shot. They sit on their smartphones, emboldened, and hit the chat box with a “Damn mami!” without reading the very specific likes and dislikes I stipulated on my profile.
I said I don’t want to date anyone that is overweight or over 60. How hard is it to read, man?! And please don’t call me, Mami.
This is what it is to be a single, 42-year-old heterosexual woman in NY on a dating app — at least for me. And I wonder, is it me? Do I need to shift my mindset to meet my future husband on Tinder, POF, Hinge, or (enter the hundreds of dating apps here)?
Let me explain: this isn’t the first time I’ve prayed to God to send me a man the “good old fashion way.” And folks weren’t swiping right and left in the olden ages. I’ve even said, “My future husband isn’t on a dating app,” which means I’ve already made up my mind: I am not meeting my husband while online dating over 40 despite how many times I refresh, update and log onto my profile. This was my belief system even when I met my ex-fiancé on POF in 2014. So it’s no surprise I haven’t met the Future Sujeiry Gonzalez on an app, and that my ex-fiancé/baby daddy and I never actually made it down the aisle. So, why am I wasting my time? Why not stalk supermarket aisles instead?
We’ve all heard it before, thoughts become things. And I’ve always been attached to a more traditional love story, even flinching when I’d tell people how my ex-fiancé/baby daddy and I met. I want to meet Future Hubby at church, the beach, or the supermarket, so our love story can be more like this. Read the rest on Latina x Love.