“God, can you send me a man the good old fashion way?” I wait for an answer on my hands and knees like a good Catholic girl and…nada.
“It’s ok, God, I know you don’t work this fast.” I stand up, return to singlehood, and wait. I wait and wait and then realize it’s been over 6 months since I’ve been on a date. Back on my knees I go.
“Ok, God, maybe the good old fashion way doesn’t exist anymore,” I muse, shifting my weight from one knee to the other “and I should give online dating another shot. That’s what you’re silence is telling me, right? Right!”
Convinced, I launch the POF app and edit my old profile, adding current photos, a new location and an updated bio. I know what I want now more than ever, I have no qualms sharing it with the men on POF. I smile, ready to meet someone fantastic. I’ve done the work, I’ve healed, and I’m excited, dammit!
“This time will be different,” I say to myself, “and I’ll meet my future husband, not just my future fiancé.”
It doesn’t take long before I receive messages. Only most of them are comprised of 2-3 words with terrible grammar to boot.
How hard is it to press Shift+H, man? And it’s “you’re” not “your”!
Days turn to weeks and online dating over 40 begins to feel like a part-time job that I’m forced to clock into because the rent is too damn high. I spend hours perusing the profiles of the men that have messaged me because I want to meet someone that aligns with my values, not just my hotness. And that’s THE WORST about online dating: all men believe they have a shot. They sit on their smartphones, emboldened, and hit the chat box with a “Damn mami!” without reading the very specific likes and dislikes I stipulated on my profile.
I said I don’t want to date anyone that is overweight or over 60. How hard is it to read, man?! And please don’t call me, Mami.
This is what it is to be a single, 42-year-old heterosexual woman in NY on a dating app — at least for me. And I wonder, is it me? Do I need to shift my mindset to meet my future husband on Tinder, POF, Hinge, or (enter the hundreds of dating apps here)?
Let me explain: this isn’t the first time I’ve prayed to God to send me a man the “good old fashion way.” And folks weren’t swiping right and left in the olden ages. I’ve even said, “My future husband isn’t on a dating app,” which means I’ve already made up my mind: I am not meeting my husband while online dating over 40 despite how many times I refresh, update and log onto my profile. This was my belief system even when I met my ex-fiancé on POF in 2014. So it’s no surprise I haven’t met the Future Sujeiry Gonzalez on an app, and that my ex-fiancé/baby daddy and I never actually made it down the aisle. So, why am I wasting my time? Why not stalk supermarket aisles instead?
We’ve all heard it before, thoughts become things. And I’ve always been attached to a more traditional love story, even flinching when I’d tell people how my ex-fiancé/baby daddy and I met. I want to meet Future Hubby at church, the beach, or the supermarket, so our love story can be more like this. Read the rest on Latina x Love.
Sujeiry Gonzalez is a freelance relationship writer and author with over 14 years of experience. Coined the ‘Latina Carrie Bradshaw’ and the go-to chica for all things love, she has shared relationship stumbles, dating anecdotes and heartbreak on various platforms, including Latina, Cosmopolitan, and Well + Good. The relationship expert and radio show host has also been featured in People, Stylecaster, USA Today and Cosmo, and hosted her own radio show (Love Sujeiry) on SiriusXM. Author of Love Trips and Founder of Latina x Love, she is currently writing her first romance novel while educating writers on how to self-publish and create brandtastic content online for marketing.