How I Will Love Myself More in 2022
I missed the ball drop. For the first time in 43 years, I didn’t count down to midnight and shout Happy New Year as confetti fell on strangers in Times Square. I was busy taking care of myself. I caught the ‘Vid right after Christmas and I just really needed a lozenge. I walked away from Dick Clarks Rocking Eve for just one second to grab a soothing lemon and echinacea cough drop. When I returned it was 12:01 am. Happy New Year to me!
In years past, I would have been upset. Today, I know that missing the 2022 countdown was an act of self-love. I could have stayed in the living room hacking up a lung, my eyes glued to the television. I chose to find relief with Ricola. I didn’t sacrifice my well-being for something or someone – not even Ryan Seacrest.
Oh, what a difference a year makes.
At 12:02 am, I spoke to loved ones and wished them a happy 2022. At 12:05 am, I grabbed my iPhone and began writing some self-love reflections to guide me this year. My self-love journey hasn’t been easy to navigate. I’ve self-sacrificed my needs and desires, doubted myself and my choices, and ignored my feminine power (my intuition). Through it all, I’ve always used writing to reflect on self-love and check myself when I divert from my intuitive, God-given path.
So, that’s how I began 2022…by writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote, and a few things dawned on me regarding my self-love journey and how I want to love myself more in 2022.
How I Want to Love Myself More in 2022
First, I don’t want to explain myself to anyone. Whatever I choose to do in my life and my career (and even this blog) is nobody’s business. I struggled with this because I want to be validated by my peers. I want people to think that I am a confident, amazing, and consistent writer, creative, and entertainer. But, I’m kind of a hot mess. I’ve accepted this and I don’t need to be anyone else but me. That’s the best act of self-love. Period.
Making mistakes is part of my self-love journey. I’m a trial and error kind of girl. I have to dip my toe in the pool before I jump in. I have to wade in the water, waist-deep before deciding whether I want to swim in it, float and flow. If I don’t like the way it feels, I will get out and dry off. And even though I may jump out too soon, this is my process and I can always jump back in.
Writing makes me the happiest. I love my podcast and I know many of my fans do as well. I get the DMs. But, podcasting will never fulfill me as much as writing does. So, to love myself more this year, I have to write more. I have to write every day. That means something’s got to give because I am a momma with limited time. And that something might be my podcast.
I don’t want to be a relationship expert anymore. This realization is a tough one to admit, but it’s an act of self-love, to be honest with ourselves. I don’t want to spew dating and relationship advice. I don’t want to be quoted as an expert. I want to be seen and to be celebrated as a writer.
The only reason that I took on the title and the charge of “relationship expert” was to be seen and heard. I could have a face and a personality from behind my computer screen. I could entertain and be cheeky and funny (cause I am!). I could be interviewed as a relationship expert on TV and have my own radio show (which I did) and podcast providing relationship advice. All of the things that I thought that I wanted. And because it all came so easily and naturally, I continued to brand myself as a relationship expert even when I was over it. It felt inauthentic and superficial. Because in my heart, I just want to be a writer.
To love myself more in 2022, I have to let everything else fall by the wayside and believe in myself as a writer in a new way.
The thing is that branding myself and succeeding as a relationship expert felt like a piece of cake compared to being a writer. Being a writer takes a lot more work, hustle, and effort. That’s why even though in the last two years I’ve shouted, “I am a writer!” “I’m going to do this differently!” “I’m going to focus!”, I waver, dipping my toe in that pool again hoping to find something else that ignites and inspires me just the same. And when I feel something is too much and too hard, I quit. I run away. Fly, baby, fly.
Well, I love myself enough to say that I just want to write. I just want to tell stories.
I love myself enough to release my need for validation. It will not dictate my decisions as a creative entrepreneur.
I promise myself that in 2022 I will pour into myself and my writing. That I will stop pouring into what does not fill my cup. That I will love myself more even when I misstep and I am afraid. It’s an act of self-love even greater than sucking on Ricola.