My boyfriend tells me he’s never gone back to an ex. He says that if it’s over there’s no need to discuss the relationship over dinner or romp around the sack for good times sake. He cuts them out of his life like they’re a piece of fat on a chuleta. I nod, agreeing with him wholeheartedly. Nothing good ever comes out of that roller coaster ride.
I wasn’t always this agreeable on this subject matter. My ex-boyfriend Johnny was a master manipulator at luring me back in. He would send messages through AIM, telling me he missed me, and there went my heart, visualizing myself as the lead star of a romantic comedy. Johnny, on the other hand, only wanted another piece of my pepa™. And silly me gave in every time.
The sex wasn’t even spectacular; dickmatized my pepa™ was not. So why did I find myself knocking on his door at 4am on weekends? The comforting thought that maybe the broken relationship could be salvaged. This may be the reason why Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds continue to meet. Though they are now legally divorced, the good looking pair had dinner over the weekend, where sources claim Scarlett was very emotional. It’s still a mystery why these two broke up but it seems it may not have been mutual. Leave it to the female in the relationship to want to “talk things out” over even with divorce papers signed, sealed, and delivered.
So let’s learn our lesson here, shall we? No returning to exes. I vow to always move forward no matter how sad my heart or how horny my pepa™ becomes. That’s what friends and vibrators were made for. Let’s just hope Scarlett learns the very same lesson and finally leaves din din with Ryan to Sandra Bullock.