I’ve professed my gold-digging-love for Hugh Hefner many of times on this website, particularly when the cold hearted snake that is Crystal Harris broke his elderly heart. She showed no mercy, that big breasted bimbo, and continues to strike as silently as a heart attack after one to many orders of chicharon con tostones. What did Crystal do to the King of the Playboy Mansion?
She kissed and told on Hef’s old man pene!
On July 26, 2011, 25-year-old Crystal Harris stopped by the Howard Stern radio show and shared the story about the first time she ever rode Hugh Hefner. I imagine she was on top. Cause, lets face it, Hef would probably break a hip mid climb. Anyway, this is what Crystal had to say about the magical experience: “[It lasted] like, two seconds. Then I was just over it. I was like, ‘Ahh.’ I was over it. I just, like, walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef. Sorry. He doesn’t really take off his clothes. I’ve never seen Hef naked.”
There you have it, Pepitas! What it’s like to hump Hugh Hefner. And now, even more so, I understand his appeal. For only a 2-second pump, you’re free to swipe his American Express Black card for hours. It seems like a fair trade to me.