A friend of mine has been hinting at us being more than friends. We’ve known each other for five years and have been platonic for most of it (we hooked up once six months ago). Ever since we had sex it’s been awkward because he is always talking about it. I ignore it when he jokes about it. I’m not into him like that and I feel like that night ruined our friendship and now he may never see me as just a friend.
What should I do? I really need your relationship advice. Can we get back to our friendship or is it always going to be weird between us? How do I turn down my guy friend gently?
But You Say He’s Just a Friend
Dear But You Say He’s Just a Friend,
You’ve got yourself in quite a situation, but I think you can make it better. What can you do? Instead of ignoring the situation, talk to him about how uncomfortable you feel when he makes references to your sex romp. Be clear that it happened once and that it will not happen again. If tough love doesn’t work, (you know him better than I do) soften up and tell him you miss your friendship. You want to sort things out but just as a friend. If he can’t let it go, tell him he is jeopardizing your five-year platonic relationship. But please apologize for taking it to a sexual relationship. After all, it took to two tango. In this case, that’s him and you.
You two may also need some space. You had sex six months ago and I assume you are still hanging out. Why not take some time off so you can both be more clear headed? It may be a good wakeup call for him as well. If you tell him you need time off from your friendship because he is making you feel uncomfortable, he may quit his dirty talk cold turkey. Or not.
Honestly, you may have to accept that your friendship may never be the same. It doesn’t have to end. But he saw you naked, love. Sex always changes things.
Love strongly and wisely,
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