I jumped on the online dating bandwagon after my friend met this amazing guy. They’ve been dating for 5 months now and are head over heels about each other. They even met each others families.
Amazing, right? So it seems. Cause why does he show up as one of my “matches” on a dating app? I triple checked his profile and it’s him. It also says that he replies to messages “frequently” and logs on all the time! This puts me in such a terrible position. Should I tell my friend? I would want to know, but I don’t know if she will just ignore it. She’s so in love with him. Should I say something to him or just leave it alone? What’s your advice?
A Good Friend
Dear A Good Friend,
Unfortunately, this is a common occurrence. I was once in your friends position and I tell the tale in my book, Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles. Basically, my boyfriend at the time was also active online and my sister told me about his profile. Of course, I was distraught. It opened up more than a can of worms between me and my man, and a lot of my personal issues. So, yes, you’re friend is going to be devastated.
I have also been in your position. And having to tell a friend her boyfriend is possibly cheating (I say possibly because other than the profile, there’s no proof, which will make it even harder for her to believe) sucks. I told my friend, and though it did bite me in the ass (she didn’t believe me and stayed with him), I don’t regret being honest. I did my job as her friend – that’s to protect her and follow girl code.
My advice? Tell your friend. She will probably do what she wants with the information, but at least she knows what’s what and there are no secrets between you.
Again, your job as her friend is to protect her. Her boyfriend may be actively seeking other women online and putting her in harms way. From late night phone calls from other women to STDs, this can get dramatic. So tell her. But first, get proof. Screen capture his dating profile and activity in case she refuses to believe you. This also serves as proof if she confronts him, especially if he deletes his profile before you spill the beans.
As for telling him what you found, don’t. He’s a sneak, that guy, and you don’t owe him anything. Your duty is to her.
Just remember: proof or no proof, she may not believe you. She may not end the relationship. No matter what happens find solace in the fact that you are a good friend.
Love strongly and wisely,
DISCLAIMER: The advice offered by Sujeiry Gonzalez are solely the opinion of Sujeiry Gonzalez and should not be considered as a form of therapy and/or diagnosis or treatment of any kind. If counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.