I’m still in love with my ex boyfriend. He’s Latino and 35, I’m white and turning 39 in a few weeks. We dated for a year and shortly after a conversation I initiated about where I hoped our relationship was going, he freaked out and broke off the relationship saying that he didn’t know if he ever wanted to get married and have kids (his parents are divorced and had a strong negative effect on him) and that he wanted me to have what I wanted to find in life cause I deserved the best. Seven months went by, we stayed friends, he decided to move back across the country to be closer to family. We saw each other twice before he moved and we got back together and it felt like things were better than ever, but without a commitment. Before he moved, I told him my feelings have never changed for him and would be willing to move to be with him and I asked him to consider this once he’s settled. I love him and don’t know where this is going to end up. Do you have any advice for me? Thank you!!
Still In Love with Ex
Dear Still In Love with Ex,
My gut instinct tells me that the man you love isn’t that invested in building a life with you. He is 35 years old and a man that age usually knows what he wants and goes after it. He, however, freaked out after “the talk” and now lives cross country. This is not very indicative that he wants to marry you or even continue to develop what you’ve built romantically.
As for him not wanting children, that is a BIG issue. I understand having childhood trauma because he’s from a divorced home. I am in the same boat much like 50-60 percent of Americans. But it is all about desire and maturity. When a person truly wants something those things no longer matter. Also, as adults, we need to work on our childhood baggage and move on already.
So what should you do? Don’t push the issue or contact him again. He knows how you feel. You’ve sat down and expressed yourself very clearly about your desire to be with him not once but twice. Unfortunately, he hasn’t reciprocated in action, which, no matter how much he tells you he loves you (has he?), is what matters. Ask yourself: Does this man love me as I love him? Am I just holding on to what was and not seeing what is? Again, he knows how you feel and that you want him. You’ve done everything you can to be with this man, and bottomline, we can never force someone to be ready or even reciprocate feelings. So please just take things day by day. Do not chase him or plead with him. Do not compromise what YOU need to be happy. I know its difficult to let go of feelings once you love someone (I went through something similar just a year ago) but for your happiness you need to realize that this man isn’t ready and may never be. Sadly, you may need to accept that the man you love may not want to be with you.
Fortunately, there is always someone who will want those things with you. The beauty of life is that we never know what lies in the horizon. You and him may work out in the future or you may meet someone who doesn’t make you wait and cant fathom a life without you. That you will only know when it happens.
All you can do NOW is focus on the present, and RIGHT NOW this relationship is over. So take care of yourself and heal.
Love strongly and wisely,
Sujeiry[contact-form-7 404 "Not Found"]