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Ask Sujeiry: Seeking Support After The Death Of A Loved One

Advice

Ask Sujeiry: Seeking Support After The Death Of A Loved One

Needing Comfort

Seeking Comfort

Dear Sujeiry,

What if your husband refuses to be there for you when someone in your family is about to die and all you ask of him is to miss two day’s of work? That’s my situation. What would you do?

Sincerely,

Seeking Support Till Death

Dear Seeking Support Till Death,

Everyone experiences loss differently. Some people grieve with tears, crying days at a time, while others keep themselves busy. Then there are those who are in denial, pretending nothing has changed. Finally, there are the realists. The people who say, “Life goes on,” and rather not wallow in any sorrow or anger. They move on with their lives and keep it moving, because they still have to work and bills to pay.

I don’t know how your husband handles death. You haven’t told me enough so my opinion would only be an assumption. I also don’t know the relationship between you and the one who passed. It does seem that this relationship was meaningful as you are seeking support. One thing is certain. You want your husband by your side as a support system, and for some reason or another, he is refusing to be there the way you need him to be.

So what can you do? Communicate how important this is to you, if you haven’t already. Ask why he can’t take two days off of work. Is it his boss? Does he not have any days? Just don’t assume he is abandoning you in your time of emotional need. Maybe he really can’t take off. Also, pay attention to the other ways he may be supporting you and show gratitude. He may just not be comfortable with death. Not many people are.

Last year, I went through a similar experience with a friend. I was very upset at her because she never called to console me when my Tia was in a comma. Tia died three months later, a month after an ex-boyfriend of mine had been stabbed to death. Still, no call from my dear friend of 20 years. Eventually she did call, but mostly because I wrote her an email, expressing my disappointment and sadness. She shared that she wasn’t emotionally capable to deal with any death, and so she didn’t know how to comfort me in my time of need.

So you see, dealing with death is a tricky thing, for the one with the loss and the people who surround him or her. Speak up. State your needs or forever hold your piece. But don’t expect your husband to be something he is not.

Love strongly and wisely,

Sujeiry, 1st Lady of Love

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of LoveSujeiry.com. She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto LoveSujeiry.com - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on Latina.com works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.

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