My boyfriend and I have been on and off for a little over a year now. The on-and-off part was due to a few issues – the biggest being his ex-girlfriend. They were together for three years and I have to deal with her because she ended up marrying his best friend. Yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, she’s married now. Why does anything matter?”
Well, she still keeps in contact with his mom and sister. They have lunches together and such. When I’m around her and say hi just to be polite, she rolls her eyes. Also, this might be petty but she likes almost every single one of his Instagram posts except for the ones that I am in. She even told him that I was not allowed at her wedding.
As for my relationship, things are AMAZING now. It’s almost too good to be true. I’m scared that the next time we have to hang out with her he is going to revert into forgetting about me when she is around.
So, what do I do? She is part of his clique. She will always be around. I do not want to bring her up to him because I know it will start a fight. I don’t know what to do. This girl has become a disease in my mind. I hate that she is around and will remain in his life regardless of our relationship. I feel like she knows that she will always be around him and I won’t. Therefore she feels like she is a priority over me. How can I resolve this issue?
The Ex That’s Married to His BFF
Dear The Ex That’s Married to His BFF,
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable even if she is married to his best friend. That alone is a doozy. But I do believe that you have allowed her to push your buttons. You said it yourself – she’s like a disease. You don’t want your man to make her a priority over you? Stop making her an important part of your relationship and your life. Stop thinking about her as this threat. You are focusing on her way too much. And that is seeping into your relationship and making you paranoid.
I’m not saying it’s easy. Your situation sucks! I don’t like the men that I am seeing or dating seriously to be good friends with their exes. However, it is unrealistic to expect this, or demand it. I believe that if you didn’t feel insecure in other ways in your relationship, her relationship with him wouldn’t affect you as much as it does. What other issues are you going through that make her so threatening?
You’re right. She will be in his life forever. You have to accept it and really become okay with it all. So try to befriend her. Ask her out to lunch. I know – terrible! But perhaps you need to build some kind of connection with her so your man knows that you’re trying. If she doesn’t budge and is still being nasty, you can tell your man what’s really going on. You should be able to speak to him about this especially when you are putting in effort to make the situation more tolerable. If he still takes her side, you may have a bigger problem on your hands. You want your man to have your back in this situation and others that may arise. He may just not be that guy. Or your guy, for that matter.
Love strong and wisely,
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