I’m 30 and on my second marriage. I travel a lot for work, and my wife recently told me she wanted some space. I was taken by storm. I don’t know if I should move on or wait for her to say she wants to get back together. Like I said, this is my second rodeo.
You know, I’m thinking the problem is me. What advice can you give me?
Is It Me?
Dear Is It Me?
Space is a tricky thing because it involves what people hate most: waiting. With waiting comes sacrifice and the possibility that we will never get what we’re actually longing for.
You didn’t say why your wife asked for space. Though, if she’s bringing up divorce, there must be serious issues in your marriage. Regardless, you need to respect her decision. By respect, I mean meet her needs. If she doesn’t want to see you, don’t push. If she doesn’t want to speak to you, don’t call.
Does that mean you never call? Not exactly. Check in and then give her the space she asked for. It’s about balance. If you want to salvage the relationship, you do have to fight for her; you can’t just give up and leave her be. But give it time. Tell her you are ready to talk to her about your marriage when she is ready to have that conversation. Be receptive to her needs and cues.
As for you being the problem in all of this, I suggest that you delve into your major relationships and connect the dots. Are you repeating certain behaviors? Is there a cycle? We all have patterns. Through self-reflection, you can explore your patterns and discover how they are affecting your choices and your marriage.
Love strongly and wisely,