I’m 30 and on my 2nd marriage, soon to be divorced. i joined the army in Jan of 08 and my wife supported me through basic and AIT but 3 days into my leave she told me she wanted some space. I was taken by storm but now I’m in NY at my duty station and she is still in Detroit. i really don’t know if i should move on or wait for her to say she wants to get back together, like i said this is my second rodeo. You know I’m thinking the problem is me. What advice do u have?
Is It Me?
Dear Is It Me?
Space is a tricky thing because it involves what people hate the most: waiting. With waiting comes sacrifice and the possibility that we will never get what we are actually waiting and longing for.
You didn’t say why your wife asked for space. Though if she’s speaking of divorce there are obviously serious issues. Regardless, you need to respect her decision. By respect I mean meet her needs. If she doesn’t want to see you now, don’t push. If she doesn’t want to speak now, don’t call. But you also have to respect yourself. You also need someone that will meet your needs. Is she that person? It’s up to you and her to decide if your relationship and love is worth salvaging. I’m sure you’re asking: how can we discuss this if she wants space? By giving time and patience and love. Con tiempo todo se resuelva and things fall where they are meant to fall.
If you feel she is the one, even if it’s your second time at the rodeo, then fight for her and show her you love her enough to respect her space and wishes. It will be difficult; impatience will push you to pick up the phone and demand answers but you must hone your urges. No woman wants a needy man just like no man wants a needy woman.
As for you being the problem in all this, I have one suggestion. Delve into your major relationships and connect the dots. Are you repeating certain behaviors? Is there a cycle? We all have patterns and it is up to us to explore, through self-questioning and self-reflection, what they are and how they affect our relationships.
Till then, stay strong and fight for what you want in a mature and loving manner.
Love strongly and wisely,