I need help badly!!!! In 2006 I met and fell in love with Juan, who then got stationed in Nebraska with the military. We were both in the military but I had a chance to give up everything and move with him. So I decided I would follow my heart and move to this boring state of Nebraska. Five months of loving bliss and one morning he just started acting funny, so I did some digging and found out that he was not divorced but very married to a woman in NY. After that, I found out that he had been flying out to NY on weekends when he was supposed to be working, and they were having a wonderful long distance marriage. He soon after gave me 4 days to get out and move. I knew nobody in Nebraska, because I’m from Ohio. Thank God people that I worked with helped me find a place and move.
For about 3 months after that his wife and him tried to make my life a living hell. So it took a long time to start to heal, because once you realize that everything was a lie and that person tells you they never loved you, it destroys a part of you. Recently, after a year I have started dating again, and I’m not lying when I say that every man that I have ends the same. With me either getting a phone call or e-mail from a female saying she is their girlfriend, followed by a mean e-mail from the man telling me how much he loves his girlfriend and would never want anything with me. I have always considered myself a strong female, but turning 30 this month and all of this, I look back and realize I have never been in a relationship where the man has not cheated on me. It’s starting to play with my self-esteem!!! It’s hard to meet any Latinos in Nebraska, and I’m working hard to relocate to the east coast where I think the city life would be good for me…….but with all that said I need help!!! I must not be doing something right.
A Cycle of Cheaters
Dear A Cycle of Cheaters,
It must be kismet that I received your email today as I too have lived the cycle of cheating that you’ve experienced. For me, there has always been another woman in the picture. Like you, I have also felt bamboozled by the men who I thought loved me and claimed to want to build a life with me. It is difficult to accept the betrayal and remain strong and hopeful. It is even more difficult to trust yourself when the same scenario replays like a re-run of “Happy Days”. Only there’s nothing happy about your situation.
So what can you do? Some more soul searching. I recently realized that when faced with the same old same old I behave the same, thus perpetuating the cycle. Therefor you must change your behavior to receive a different outcome. If not, the Universe has a fucked up sense of humor and will continue to send you the same dog until something that you do changes. Maybe there are warning signs you ignore. Maybe you really want to be in a relationship and accept the first man that gives you butterflies without really considering who he is and what he is offering. Maybe you’re too trusting and should get to know a potential love better before jumping into a relationship. I am not the Universe so I can’t tell you the why’s. All I can say is that you havent’t done anything wrong. I know it’s hard to believe. I have spent many nights sobbing in my pillow, analyzing my every move and every word uttered to get to the bottom of my romantic dysfuction. Honestly, I have yet to figure it out, and now I am reliving a different relationship cycle of mine. Three months into a relationship, and BOOM!, the man becomes distant and needs “space.” Why is this happening? I don’t know, so I can’t tell you why you are always being cheated on.
I hope that I helped somehow, although I feel that I left you in the lurch and with more questions. Questioning yourself is a good thing. It’s the only way to reflect. So take the time to figure out your role in this pattern. Target the redundancy in your actions and CHANGE it. Which way you will go, only you know.
Love strong and wisely,
Sujeiry, 1st Lady of Love