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Ask Sujeiry: Crushing on a Guy That’s in a Relationship

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Ask Sujeiry: Crushing on a Guy That’s in a Relationship

If he’s on and off with his girlfriend, are you still the other woman? Read Sujeiry’s relationship advice.

Dear Sujeiry,

There’s this guy that I’m interested in but the problem is that he has a girlfriend. When we got to know each other, I knew he was in a relationship. He told me, but from the start he also said that they have a lot of problems, and he wants out but he just cant let her go.  He breaks up with her but then gets back together with her even though she doesn’t change.

PLUS: Is It Cheating If There Is No Sex?

Recently, I told him I didn’t want to be his other woman, and I have avoided him for a few days. Now, he’s mad at me and won’t talk to me. The worst thing is I can’t approach him without her suspecting there was something between us. I don’t want him to cut me off and be mad at me. I need advice, so what should I do?


The Kinda Other Woman

Dear The Kinda Other Woman,

I’m not going to tell you that you’re insane y una fresca or that you’re breaking up a relationship. Not at all. We sometimes fall for the wrong person, or the right person that is in a shitty situation. Our hearts just feel and fall regardless of relationship status. So my advice won’t be the norm. I’m not going to reprimand you for involving yourself with a man who is in a relationship. I’m sure you (and your friends) do that enough already. But I am going to reprimand you for the question you have brought forth: what can I do so he won’t be mad at me?

This should be the least of your worries. What you should be asking yourself (and me) is what to do with the situation you’re involved in. What does this man really want from you? I don’t know what this is but I do know that he continues to return to his girlfriend. Maybe he is trying to work it out because he really does love her and, problems and all, wants to remain in that relationship. Maybe you are a distraction, or he’s confused and seeks solace with you and the possibility of a new relationship. Maybe he just doesn’t have the courage to walk away completely, yet.

MORE: Ask Sujeiry: I Kissed Another Guy. Is That Cheating?

My consejo to you is this: stop caring about why he is angry. Don’t you see this is a messy situation? Why do you want to be in his life at all? Is it because you are waiting for him to end it with her once and for all? It won’t be easy to stop crushing on him, but try to let it go. The issues between him and his girlfriend are not new, and they probably live in a cycle that involves making up and breakup up. Don’t become a part of their pattern.  Stop caring about his anger toward you and be done.

Love strongly and wisely,


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DISCLAIMER: The advice offered by Sujeiry Gonzalez are solely the opinion of Sujeiry Gonzalez and should not be considered as a form of therapy and/or diagnosis or treatment of any kind. If counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.


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