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Ask Sujeiry: Should I Contact My Man’s Mistress?

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Ask Sujeiry: Should I Contact My Man’s Mistress?

He cheated and you have the other woman’s phone number. Relationship advice for a woman in this situation. Should she contact her man’s mistress?

CheatingHe cheated and you have the other woman’s phone number.

Dear Sujeiry,

I have been dating a guy for about a year now. In the first few months, he was amazing, thoughtful, attentive and affectionate. Over the course of months, he became more distant, needing more space and “guy time,” which I accommodated because I didn’t want to be a needy, clingy girl.

He recently went on a trip to El Salvador. When came back, he was acting really strange, lashing out on me and he was highly irritable. Long story short, I found out he met a girl there. He has been messaging her little romantic notes on a daily basis. I confronted him and he denied it. Although I don’t believe him, I am still sticking by him and our relationship.

But I recently checked his phone and saw that she is now calling him as well. I wrote down her phone number. Should I call her and let her know what is really going on? Maybe she already knows and doesn’t care, or maybe she’s clueless. But I don’t think it’s fair. I want us all to know the truth. What do you think? Contact her or let it go?

Sincerely,

Caught Red Handed

——

Dear Caught Red Handed,

Unfortunately, I know of many women in these situations. Whether a man met a girl on a trip to Dominican Republic, or at a bar when out with his friends, infidelity is real.

[ALSO READ: Single Ladies! Discover Your Red Flags When Dating]

So, you know he’s cheating, but he denies it. You only asked about calling the mistress, and I will answer that shortly. First, I want to know: why are you still with him? He isn’t treating you well. He’s pushing you away. And he’s cheating. Even though he denies it, you’ve caught him texting and calling another woman. What are you getting out of this relationship that is positive? Why stick around with a man who cheated but isn’t remorseful, and continues to cheat?

Now, about contacting the other woman – if you want answers, I say do it. You’re right, she may not know he’s in a relationship. He may have given her false promises, as he has you. I have been in this situation. And a woman called me. I was devastated. I thought the man I was dating was with me, not in a relationship. After the pain and initial shock, I was happy to learn the truth.

So, call her. Tell her who you are. Go into the conversation with specific questions so you make it quick and get the answers you need. If she doesn’t know, you’ve helped a woman out and perhaps you can both confront him and say buh-bye to this cheater. If she does know about it, and does not care, you can still make the same choice, love.

If I were you, I’d choose to leave my man, let go and heal.

Love strongly and wisely,

Sujeiry

Have a relationship question for Sujeiry? Go to the contact page and Ask Sujeiry!


Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons.

Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of LoveSujeiry.com. She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto LoveSujeiry.com - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on Latina.com works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.

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