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Ask Sujeiry: Why Doesn’t He Want To Have Sex Anymore?

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Ask Sujeiry: Why Doesn’t He Want To Have Sex Anymore?

relationship advice make loveDear Sujeiry,

I have a question for you! Married 8 years, 3 beautiful girls and I am annoyed that 98% of the time I have to initiate sex! I swear if I didn’t we’d go probably six months without it. We have brought it up and he just says he has a low sex drive and it’s not me. Is it me? After having 3 babies my body isn’t in it’s best shape, but I’m working on it. Any advice?

Sincerely,

High/Low Sex Drive

Dear High/Low Sex Drive,

I wish most of the questions I received were about sex and how a woman wants more of it! It definitely negates the generalization that when women are married they close their legs! So, kudos to you for loving your husband and his manly parts.

Now, why doesn’t he want to have as much sex as you do or at all? It can be a number of things. He may not be as interested in sex anymore. Sexual peak varies from person to person. Also, I’d be interested to know if his desire for sex has decreased over the years or if you have always initiated sex. If you have always initiated sex, it may be that he expects you to initiate sex always. That is the sexual nature of your relationship. If this isn’t the case then it may be in fact a low libido.

Low libido can be a result of many factors, including medication. Is he taking anti-depressants or medication for high blood pressure? It can also be fatigue. Does he work long hours? Is he often stressed? Is the hustle and bustle of family life and work driving him bonkers? These are all things that affect a man’s sex drive. On a sidenote, drinking is also known to turn men off to sex. Their penis just won’t stand at attention if they’re wasted!

So, look at all of the factors, external and otherwise, that may be causing his loss of interest in sex. But don’t think that it is you! The more you believe that it’s because of you, the more insecure you will feel. This will manifest in your relationship, how you relate to him, and how attractive you feel. And insecurity and doubt are so not aphrodisiacs.

But wait! How do you get him to become more interested in sex? If it’s just a loss of interest and nothing medical (if it is, go to a professional!), you can get creative. Have someone stay with the kids and have a date night. Book a hotel room. Do something different. Keep working on yourself and communicating with him about why sex is important in your relationship. But don’t make him feel bad – a man’s ego is hard to recover once it’s been bruised. And, of course, tell him what you want. Ask him what he wants (any fantasies?). I really do believe that with communication, love, and understanding you will get more nooky!

Love strongly and wisely,

Sujeiry

Image Credit: Remy Snipe. 

DISCLAIMER: The advice offered by Sujeiry Gonzalez are solely the opinion of Sujeiry Gonzalez and should not be considered as a form of diagnosis or treatment of any kind. 

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of LoveSujeiry.com. She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto LoveSujeiry.com - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on Latina.com works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.

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