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Ask Sujeiry: Should I Talk To My Ex Post-Breakup?

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Ask Sujeiry: Should I Talk To My Ex Post-Breakup?

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Hey Sujeiry,

I need help. My now ex-boyfriend and I broke up yesterday because he said he was “unsure” about his feelings for me after dating for 6 months. I know he still cares about me, and the actual break up was very hug and tear filled (him more than me actually). He says I did nothing to make him lose his feelings. He can’t really explain why it happened either because it has never happened to him before. He did not cheat or even think of cheating either. I understand that these feelings will probably not come back, and I’m doing my best to not hold on to any false hope, but it’s hard.

He said “I love you” first after 1month. I fell in love with him hard and fast too, but I feel like that was all a lie now. Not to sleep with me or anything. How do I move on? After we broke up he sent me a long “Im sorry” text as well. As much as I want him back, all my friends say I can do better and I think somewhere inside of me I believe that too. The big thing here is that we have a mutual best friend (who is male). He has known my ex longer than me, but we both still go to him for advice or just to hang out, and I have no feelings whatsoever for this best friend. So I’m wondering, do I respond to the I’m sorry text, and do we try and one day be friends again? Do I ignore the text, and/or seek closure later on? I’m not sure how the whole post break up contact thing works, and I feel like my situation is a little different too. I’m so lost and confused.

Sincerely,

Post Break-Up Contact

Dear Post Break-Up Contact,

Before I get to my post-break up suggestion, I want to address your actual breakup. He said he was “unsure” of his feelings and that’s why he broke it off. I applaud him for this. Many men stay with women because it’s easier, comfortable, and because they are great girlfriends. He didn’t do this. He broke it off with you because he probably feels you deserve someone who LOVES you for long term. And you do!

He said he loved you after only being with you for a month. This isn’t uncommon. The excitement of someone new, especially when the relationship goes full speed ahead, can be passionate and convince us that it is indeed “love.” It may have been love but it seems to me that it was lust. Love doesn’t fade that easily. At least not if it’s true love.

So, what should you do post break up? Should you reply to his text (if you haven’t already)? It depends on what you want to get out of it. If you want to build a friendship, then contact him. But only if that is all that you want. Also, it may be too early in the post break-up period to be his friend. You are still hurting and pining. As for your mutual friend, you can still be friends with him. Your ex-boyfriend can too. Breaking up your friendship would be silly. Be an adult and separate your friendship from your relationship with your ex. And make sure you don’t use your mutual friend as a mediator or a spy.

Lastly, don’t see his text as an opening for a rekindling of your relationship. As women, we tend to do this. We see every contact as hope. I’ve done it. In my book, Love Trips, I discuss a breakup that went just like yours. He was unsure of his feelings and didn’t want to lead me on. He was honest and, though I fought to win him back (I should have realized that I indeed deserved better), he refused to remain in the relationship with me as he wasn’t all in emotionally.

Where does this leave you? Single but grateful. You deserve to be loved. Not temporarily…not for six months…but for long-term.

Love strongly and wisely,

Sujeiry

DISCLAIMER: The advice offered by Sujeiry Gonzalez are solely the opinion of Sujeiry Gonzalez and should not be considered as a form of therapy and/or diagnosis or treatment of any kind. If counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of LoveSujeiry.com. She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto LoveSujeiry.com - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on Latina.com works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.

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