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Ask Sujeiry: Should I Give Up on My Relationship?

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Ask Sujeiry: Should I Give Up on My Relationship?

Dear Sujeiry,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now. At this point, he never grabs my hand unless I grab it first, still talks to some of his exes behind my back, and his entire life seems to revolve around hanging out with his friends. He always brings me with him, but I always wonder what the point of me accompanying him is because as soon as his friends show up, I DONT EXIST!

Perhaps I would be a little more understanding if we had a SINGLE day to ourselves without one of his friends being there (we haven’t), and if he paid any attention to me outside of just wanting sex. The truth of the matter is that I feel invisible. I’ve had multiple conversations with him about this issue and he always claims that he is “trying,” but I can’t help but notice that the moment he wakes up, he immediately texts one of his friends to hangout. He makes it his top priority. When I ask for some attention, it’s like pulling teeth.

I’m lonely but I adore him with everything in me! It’s been very difficult to decide what I should do at this point. Throughout this entire relationship, I’ve felt like no one would ever know that we were together. He’s placed a ring on my finger, but I don’t feel like he takes this relationship seriously due to his everyday actions. I honestly don’t ask for much; I’m incredibly low maintenance. The only thing I ask for is that he show me a little bit of attention and spend some time with me! Am I impossible to please? HELP WHAT DO I DO?

Sincerely,

Should I Give Up On My Relationship

Dear Should I Give Up on My Relationship,

Wow. It really does seem like you’re unhappy in this relationship, and it’s only been 7 months since it began. Here are my 2 (or 3 or 10) cents. Cause, girl, you need to see the light!

When we’re in a relationship, people aren’t perfect. But you aren’t asking for perfection. It seems you just want to feel wanted. You want quality time and to not feel like a sex object. Is that too much to ask? Hell no it isn’t! That, my dear, is a given. You shouldn’t have to beg any man to be with you and literally spend time with you when you’re in an actual relationship. And he gave you a ring? What is the point if he isn’t giving you the basic respect and treatment that any woman, or any man, should receive when in a committed relationship?

It almost reads like you think you’re in a real relationship and he’s just having his fun. Men don’t hang out with their boys every weekend, or every night. Men don’t spend every minute at a bar or at a club. Because they want to spend that time with you! Weekends are for couples. I say it time and time again. Men are ready for that commitment. Boys aren’t. Who texts their friends every day to hang out? Boys do. Boys who feel they are free to do what they want. Boys who are single.

You’re with a man who acts like a boy and behaves like he is single.

I say let him go. I am rarely that extreme. I know how hard it is to cut someone off, especially in matters of the heart. It’s taken me years, as I wrote in my book, Love Trips. Usually, I tell women to wait it out and talk it out – but you’ve already done that! You’ve voiced your concerns. You’ve stated your needs and grievances. Yet his behavior does not change.

So, let him go. Yes, you love him. Yes, you want it to work. Yes, you will be heartbroken. But no one dies of heart ache. Plus, it’s been 7 months. It be much harder to move on if you stick it through, the relationship doesn’t change, and then you are have invested years that you cannot get back.

You are strong. You are a woman of value. Give yourself that value and walk away. Tell him it’s now or never. Because you deserve to be with someone who wants to spend his waking moments with you. You deserve a MAN.

Love strongly and wisely,

Sujeiry

DISCLAIMER: The advice offered by Sujeiry Gonzalez are solely the opinion of Sujeiry Gonzalez and should not be considered as a form of therapy and/or diagnosis or treatment of any kind. If counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of LoveSujeiry.com. She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto LoveSujeiry.com - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on Latina.com works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.

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