Are You Too Picky When Dating? | Latina Self-Love Podcast

Are You Too Picky When Dating?

All of my life I’ve been told that I’m too picky when dating. And I actually believed it. 

Because I believed that I was too picky when dating, I ignored my intuition and relationship red flags. I compromised my relationship needs and expectations, believing that I was too hard on men when wishing for certain values, a specific lifestyle, and personality traits. In reality, my intuition was actually protecting me from relationships that I had no business being in. 

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Okay. Real talk: at 21, I was probably too picky when dating. At that time I simply sought out a hot, Puerto Rican man with a goatee and an active social life. If there was chemistry and sexual attraction, I was in. That’s really all it took. That and the hot Puerto Rin giving me tons of attention and validation.

When Are You Too Picky When Dating?

When you focus solely on physicality and write a man off solely because of his looks, that is being too picky when dating. 

“But what if I’m an Amazon of a woman and want a man that matches my height?” you ask. 

Girl, stop. We all shrink as viejas! His height won’t make or break your relationship. It should not be the deciding factor of whether you give a man a real shot romantically. Do not dump him because he’s shorter than you. In fact, dating shorter men has its advantages

You’re also too picky when dating if your checklist only consists of traits that are superficial in nature. 

Pickiness affects your dating life in a negative way when you dismiss potential partners because they do not fit a mold. We all have a checklist in our head (or maybe written down, as you should when wanting to manifest love). However, the traits on said checklist shouldn’t be superficial. 

Like, does he really need to drive a BMW to win your heart? 

“But I want a man that is financially abundant,” you say. 

Who’s to say he has money because he drives a BMW? He could have leased the car. He may be car poor, paying monthly car payments to flaunt his pretend wealth, instead of saving money in retirement. 

Ultimately, if a trait doesn’t make or break a relationship or will affect how he treats you, look past it. 

ALSO READ: Surviving Online Dating at 40

How to Be Discerning Versus Too Picky When Dating 

Being discerning means that you choose romantic partners based on the values that you are seeking in a partner. You also choose to enter into relationships based on specific relationship dynamics and how your partner treats you. When being discerning, you can look past the little things that don’t affect the overall growth and development of your relationship. 

So, you want to date and use your intuition. You want to write a letter to your future partner to manifest love and in that letter, you want to describe a healthy connection. That does not mean you shouldn’t feel chemistry or attraction. 

Now in my 40s, I believe that attraction is so much more than physicality. I find men who are kind, smart, funny, and humble incredibly attractive, even if he’s not my typical type. A goatee is not needed. Although, if he can grow one out, I’m that much happier.

About Author /

Sujeiry Gonzalez (Love Sujeiry) is a Digital Publisher, Author, Connector, and Self-Love Advocate. Founder of, her mission is to provide expert resources and insightful and relatable content that guides Latinx women to love and embrace their authentic selves. Her writing has been published in Hip Latina, Well + Good, Madamenoire, Latina, YourTango. She also hosted her own radio show on SiriusXM (LoveSujeiry). Currently, Sujeiry resides on Long Island with her son, Evan, enjoying all things astrology (Aries sun, Capi rising!), hosting (she throws a mean party), and karaoke (she’s always Riri).

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