One night while searching through a ton of lames on a dating site there he was – my friend’s man. Why the fuck does he have a dating profile? I thought. My friend is a good woman and this fool is looking for a “serious relationship.” I’m pissed. I’m hurting for my friend. But, what should I do? No one wants to tell their friend her man is playing her, seeking women online.
There is no easy way to handle this situation but, if you find yourself in the same predicament, you should tell your friend her man has an online dating profile. Here’s how to break the news to her:
Go directly to her.
As women the first thing we do is call our girls and spill the beans. But your girls shouldn’t know before she does. So be a good friend and go directly to her. If it were you, would you want to be the last to know?
Present the facts.
Be prepared to share the facts, including his screen name, screen shots of his profile and anything else that may be relevant. Your friend may be in denial. No woman wants to accept the fact that her man is looking for someone else. She may not want to see the evidence at first, but give her the proof anyway. She can sift through it when she’s ready.
Listen to her.
Trust me, I know you want to go off. Clearly this dude is a POS, but you need to listen to your friend. Hear her out and follow her lead. If she cries, comfort her and let her know that it’s going to be okay. If she’s mad, be angry with her and bash the shit out of him. Be level headed for her. If she acts on emotion, this situation could easily escalate. It’s one thing to cut up a few shirts; it’s a another to lose your shit, burn his car down and go to his job to cut him.
This is not your decision to make. Though you think she should leave this asshole she may want to work it out. This is their relationship and ultimately what happens is between them. You can certainly make a suggestion and remind her that once trust is broken a relationship is never the same, but don’t force your opinion on her. Also, don’t isolate your friend or judge her. Be a support system and resource, not an obstacle.
Do not gossip.
This situation has the potential to embarrass someone you really care about. If you gossip, people will talk about her behind her back. Don’t subject your friend to anymore pain than she is already going through. If she chooses to stay with this man, she will be judged harshly. Your job is to keep this secret to yourself. Your job is to protect your BFF.