A song plays on the radio. “Yo No Lloro Por LLorar” by Ana Victoria. Translation: I don’t cry just to cry. In other words, I’m not a pendeja. There’s an actual reason why I’m sitting in my tub, water dripping down my face (by way of shower head and tear ducts), like a telenovela star. One that has driven me to scream, pull my hair out and sob so hard my heart physically hurts as if I were a stab victim. That’s because I always believed I would never be loved.
Si me enamore algún día
Nunca fui querida como las demás
Si he sembrado rosas
Tuve las espinas pero nada mas
Translation: men don’t pick me. Not like other girls. Where my girlfriends are shown the world with trips to Paris and Milan, a bouquet of flowers just because, and full access to their man’s bank account and heart, I once got trips to the local pizza shop, 2-1 Happy Hour draaanks and invitations to “just chill” because you’re such “a fun girl.”
Translation: you’re not girlfriend/wife material.
I believed all of this. Instead of fighting back and saying, “Oh hell nah! You ain’t treating me to a meal at McD’s!” I chowed down those French fries because 1) I love fries, 2) I especially love McDonald’s fries and, most importantly, 3) I didn’t believe I deserved better. Instead of shutting down whack ass men who were clearly just trying to chill and not commit – and their weak ass dates – I whined about my bad luck and how I was never loved the way that I needed and wanted to be loved.
I found myself playing the victim and got really comfortable wallowing in my sorrow. Thing is playing the victim when dating keeps you single.
When you play the victim when dating you don’t take accountability.
You blame others for your loveless love life and fail to realize what you are doing wrong to stay single and miserable. If you keep pointing the finger at others – your mami, daddy, ex, mankind – you will never truly heal and, in turn, open up to healthy, committed love.
When you play the victim when dating misery becomes your BFF.
Many of us are creatures of habit. We fall into routines that help us just as much as they hurt us. Complaining about your dating life – or lack thereof – is a bad habit. And when you get used to this nasty habit of bashing men cause “they’re all dogs” you remain stuck in that miserable mindset.
When you play the victim when dating you are afraid of what you want.
As in, you say you want a committed relationship full of love, admiration and mutual respect and commitment, but are terrified of the very love that you crave. That fear drives you to self-sabotage when dating or in a new relationship. That fear keeps you from dropping your guard. That fear paralyzes you. That fear cultivates your victim mentality. That fear keeps you single.
When you play the victim when dating men can smell your ‘woe is me’ attitude – and run away.
And they want no part of it. Really. No man or woman will choose to be with you if you have a stank attitude. Energy is everything, as I share in my e-course, Attain That Good Love, and your energy is felt as soon as you walk into a room. Before you speak, before you try to impress and woo, others can feel how you feel about yourself – that includes your victim mentality.
In the end, the only person you attract when playing the victim in love is another victim. Unless you want to move on over when sobbing in your tub, I’d stop complaining, stop lamenting – and get it together.