And I’ve been carrying tons of shit.
Last week, I spoke about my funk — how I emotionally unraveled after returning to New York City from Los Angeles. The days after that post were still tough. I experienced another roller coaster ride of emotions. I was encountering resistance at every turn.
That job I interviewed for didn’t lead anywhere. After three interviews, they disappeared. I’ve officially broken up with them.
My permanent move to Los Angeles cannot happen in October as I initially planned. That broke my heart.
My time with my publicist is almost coming to an end. It was a decision that was tough to make but one that was needed.
So many changes. So many disappointments and so much uncertainty. I’m not comfortable with any of it. And so I held on to fear, sadness, and discomfort.
Shit was weighing me down.
Fortunately, I have great friends and loved ones who are here to listen and lift my spirits. I realize that this resistance, this shit on top of shit I was experiencing, is necessary. There is a reason why we encounter blocks. It often means we are going in the wrong direction, that we are pushing too hard for something or someone that needs to be left alone or isn’t meant for us. It’s like pushing a square peg into a circle. No matter how much we push, it just doesn’t fit.
That job wasn’t for me. A sudden move to Los Angeles would be impulsive. I had no plan. Just passion.
Fire without strategy is just wasted energy.
Now, I am flowing as best I can. I am cultivating a plan to be in Los Angeles in January. It allows me to spend the holidays with my family. It gives me time to say goodbye. I can prepare myself emotionally, financially and mentally for my new beginning in La La Land.
I am giving up the shit. I am letting it go. I am ready to fly.