“Didn’t we pass that Starbucks already?” We ask cautiously, trying to keep their egos intact.
“No, it’s a different one!” He seethes. “There’s a Starbucks at every corner,” he concludes, refusing to admit he is lost.
This blatant disregard doesn’t always occur when driving. My ex-boyfriend Luke tuned me out when I gave him directions to my place. An hour and a half later, he called when he couldn’t find my building.
“Did you take the train elevator to go above ground like I said?” I questioned.
I’ve recently encountered this male defect while taking on online dating. After healing from my breakup with Luke and bouncing back much quicker than in the past (age does this to women), I dived into the dating pool. This time, I said to myself, I was going to have fun with it. This time, I admitted while I created my profile, I would be clear of my expectations, intentions and needs.
The following is a summary of my criteria:
- College educated, which can include CUNY but can’t include a degree from The University of Phoenix.
- No children, even if you have full custody and the mother of your children is remarried with 10 other kids. I really want to share that moment with someone who has never experienced it. I also don’t want to share my time with any babies. Right now, I’m number 1!
- If you’re over 40, keep it moving! I don’t need the pressure of marriage right this instant. I already get it from Mami and my sister.
- If you’re divorced, please don’t think about sending me an email. Chances are you have kids, or that you suck as a husband.
I went on and on, with humor, of course (I threatened to hit them over the head with a purse if they dared contact me). I hoped this would separate the men I wanted to date from those I didn’t.
My message and instructions were clear.
But, this is men we’re talking about. Men who don’t follow directions, especially when instructed by women. What followed was a flood of emails from men who were over 40, divorced and/or with kids. What followed was my quick, polite and generic response.
“Thank you! But I’m not interested.”
I copied and pasted and copied and pasted that statement for days. Each time my iPhone beeped, indicating that I had a new message, that was the message I relayed. Most of the men took it well and wished me luck. Some tried to persuade me that they were “greeeeeaaaat!” Then there was the one man who replied, “Then why did you email me back, bitch!”
Ah! What occurs when men are embarrassed because they didn’t follow directions.
As for the rest, one managed to catch my attention. He is Latino, over 30 and clever. Plus, he’s never been married, has no kids and is a professional in the creative field.
Let’s just hope he gets on that elevator.