We all have a difficult time letting go. Whether it’s a romantic relationship gone awry or a friendship tainted with betrayal, holding onto negative feelings is way easier than releasing that energy and moving forward. It may be because we want our loved ones to be perfect. Though there is no such thing and we are well aware of this, it still doesn’t ease the pain and anger we experience when a friend doesn’t attend a wedding, a cousin doesn’t return a text, a significant other doesn’t listen to our needs. So we stew and sit with the anger, moving forward only with words. Instead of forgiving and making amends, we withdraw from the people who hurt us.
I have done this all my life. Though I am not a vengeful person I slowly lose respect for those who disappoint me. It seems harsh, I know, but I find it difficult to respond positively when someone is repeatedly unreliable and inconsistent. So I cut them off, sometimes distancing myself emotionally, other times severing the ties from the root, deleting their contact information to never hear from them again. It is the way I have learned to let go. It is the way I protect myself from more disenchantment and uncomfortable, confrontational conversations.
So how do we let go? How do we forgive and move on? By forgiving ourselves and the people who contributed to the harm. By realizing we all make mistakes and, most importantly, how we contribute to the pattern. Chances are we are fighting the same battle over and over again. Whether it’s a romantic relationship gone awry or a friendship tainted with betrayal, the damage feels the same. So let’s detach ourselves from our ego and stop placing blame. Let’s be honest with our loved ones. Let’s find the answer to the the ‘why’ behind the hurt.
It is the only way to be set free.