Once upon a time I needed to know every next step and assured said knowledge by getting my Barajas read. That’s Dominican tarot cards for the non-Latinos.
I was obsessed. You’d swear those cards predicted my short-term future by the minute. That’s not how it works though. What happens in our lives has a lot to do with our mentality. As the Law of Attraction states, we receive what we believe. I believed everything the Baraja readers told me and so it all came to be. I also didn’t believe I could handle the unknown without an inside scoop.
Honestly, I was just terrified of making the wrong move, of making the wrong professional and personal decisions. To a certain extent, I still am. I just don’t run to botánicas in Washington Heights to get my Barajas read anymore. I rarely even read my horoscope (another addiction). I am, however, still paralyzed by fear when my life isn’t what I want it to be or after an unexpected change. This fear makes it difficult to make crucial life decisions and when I do, to stick with them. Instead of pursuing a clear and concrete path, despite the outcome, I waver and question everything.
Should I continue applying to full-time jobs? Should I freelance and work for myself as I’ve done the last few years? Should I attempt to find a new job on radio? Should I continue on my own, building the LoveSujeiry brand as I have always intended?
I keep coming back to the latter. As I apply for work as a content creator and full-time staff writer, something pulls me back to my vision. The vision that remains despite having little time now that I’m a new mom, despite surviving a subarachnoid hemorrhage, shingles and a bout of postpartum depression, despite my fear or the unknown is me running LoveSujeiry.com and the LoveSujeiry brand – and making bank doing so. That’s six figures to start. And of course, working as an on-air talent.
But I tell myself, “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t have a mentor or someone that I can count on. I have no team. I have to pave my own way.” And so it is. Again, thoughts become things.
I also realize now that momma has to pay the bills. Momma is craving stability for the sake of her baby, her relationship and her physical and mental health. This then leads to a scattered brain. What hinders me from manifesting my vision is this very thought process.
So, how do I plow ahead with this very specific vision despite my fear of the unknown? How do you if you’re brain feels as scrambled as mine does at times? By making the unknown our bitch.
Right now, I am a stay at home mom to Evan. He is my focus as is my health and my relationship. Recently, I have also returned to pouring a lot of love into LoveSujeiry.com. I’m returning to writing my heart.
Instead of wallowing and sitting in fear, I am choosing to relish in the things that I love.
I am here. I have to work with the present. As long as I continue to do so I know that six-figure salary is within reach. I know that I will be fulfilled again professionally in all ways, more than ever before. I know that the unknown is nothing to fear. It will stand on the corner working for me, waiting on me to make the move. Cause I’m no longer its bitch.