Dating Tips

Men Speak: Is It A Real Date or Are You Just Hanging Out?

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I remember my wife and I’s first date. According to her though, I don’t. She swears our first date was at this vegan Korean spot while I believe it was at the McDonalds in Times Square. I even called her a “cheap date.”

It happens; the line between a “hang out session” and a “real date” sometimes get blurred. It’s a tug of war between what both parties want and expect. For example, a guy could agree to go out with a girl to just hang out, but may be genuinely interested in her (I fell into this category). Or a date could be planned, organized and labeled as a “real date” but turn into a hang out session.

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So how do you know? Generally, I think that the younger and less mature men are the less confident we are to directly ask a woman out on a date. But lets be real. Everyone has experienced this awkward phone call or conversation:

“Hey. Um. SO…uh…hoooo…ahem..uh, wanna like, uh, go out or something?”

No one has time for that kind of uncertainty and women need definitive answers. So how do you know when he really want to date you? Some guys had this to say:

“The first thing that would make it a date is if you’re alone with the woman. A ‘group date’ in some B.S.” -Ben C.

“Location is important. If it’s a place where you can’t sit down together, like a crowded dance club, then it’s not a date.” – Dave D.

“Body language is key. Unless they’re turning around to look at the booty, they should be facing you. Turning your back on your ‘date’ is a bad sign and a big clue that you’re/they’re not interested.” – Paul R.

“You kinda just know. You know when you want to talk more than surface crap and you want to get into the depth of her thoughts and her loins concurrently. Your gut will tell you what’s up!”  – Alfredo J.

“The two people pretend to be adults and make sure their intentions are clear and out in the open? I don’t think I’ll ever be in that situation; I’m pretty upfront when it comes to this business.” – Albian M.

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Ultimately, I believe the answer lies in these determining factors: the level of chemistry and attraction felt for one another, the formality or casualness (both in the approach of asking for the date and on the actual date), and how comfortable you feel with each other overall. Remember, comfort brings closeness. And closeness can lead to a touch that leads to handholding – and maybe even the first of many dates and kisses.

Rich is a proud married guy and father of two. He enjoys helping women understand the mind of a man.