Dating Tips

My Ex-Boyfriend’s Wife Doesn’t Want Us to Be Friends

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I have known my ex boyfriend, Adam, since I was 15 years old. He knows absolutely everything about me, including the time I spray painted “whore” on my nemeses’ door and when I drank 10 small bottles of ginseng to get high. Fortunately, that was only a phase and I wasn’t actually a deliquent.

As we grew up Adam challenged me, encouraging me to think outside the box. He introduced me to controversial books and political figures that would sculpt my beliefs for the rest of my life. He was different than any other man I had ever met or would ever meet going forward. Yet I had no idea the gem I had in front of me.

PLUS: The Time I Stalked an Exes FB Profile

I decided to end our relationship. This was the biggest mistake of my life.

Soon after – almost too soon – I discovered Adam was having a baby and getting married. It was like the scene in 13 Going on 30 where Jennifer Garner tells Mark Ruffalo how happy she is for him right before he is about to marry the wrong woman.

“Go on. I’m fine. I’m just crying because I’m happy. I want you to be so, so happy. I love you, Matt. You’re my best friend.”

This is exactly how I felt. My ex boyfriend, best friend, my best everything was marrying the wrong woman. Only there was no magic dust like in the movie to return us back to our youth, so I could right my wrong. I had to live with my decision. I wanted to be a part of his life even if it was in the friend zone, but that wasn’t going to happen.

I would have been happy to meet his new wife. But, she knew about our long history and forbid him to talk to me. I would never hook up with a married man, not even if I still had romantic feelings for him. It’s not who I am. I thought, if she took the time to know me, she would realize I’m not a threat to her or her marriage. Perhaps we could even become friends. Besides, I want my very own Mark Ruffalo to be happy. I love him that much.

MORE: The Hardest Breakup: When You Lose A Good Friend

So I’ve stopped dreaming of running off into the sunset with Adam by my side.  He has children. He made a commitment to his wife. I value that. That’s why I told him that I will   leave him be just as his wife wishes. No magic fairy dust can change that.

Living in the suburbs of Philadelphia, Tabitha is a self-proclaimed free spirit who travels extensively throughout the USA. She has a bold writing style and offers her insight on love, dating and relationships on and She writers from her own experience as an independent woman exposed to the world of modern-day dating. Her goal is to enable women to value themselves above all else and find happiness in this great big world.

  • Tabitha Bauman

    I’m sorry you lost your friend and I know how hard it can be. I am sure of one thing, he probably thinks about you and misses one of his best friends. A marriage built on ultimatums and insecurities is not one likely to last in my opinion. Best of luck Paloma!

  • Paloma Cruz

    My friend T had to stop being friends with me and we never were a couple.

    We went to kindergarten together. His parents and my parents were good friends. His aunt and uncle are my godparents. We were in the same homeroom all through middle school and high school.

    Both families used to tease us that we’d end up together, but we were never like that. I would write poetry he gave his girlfriends. He checked out my potential boyfriends. We were friends.

    We graduated high school and moved to different cities. Fast forward three years and I ended up in the same city as he was. And he was about to be married.

    He tried to get his fiancee to like me. I tried. But all she saw was a single woman who was spending time with her man. And she threw a fit one month before the wedding. He was given an ultimatum: stop talking to me or she cancelled the wedding.

    He stopped talking to me.

    He did tell me in person. He was very apologetic. She didn’t believe that men and women could be friends. She was certain I was interested in him “that way.” She thought I was a threat. And she made him stop being my friend.

    I’ve always wondered what the rest of their marriage looked like after that.